Believe it or not, I think today was the first day I actually thought that I wish this wedding stuff was all over already. I wished MANY times that all the decisions, decisions, decisions, and the bills that go with those things would be over, but I oddly enough hadn't felt the rush to be actually married and to actually have the wedding. It's curious how challenging marriage really looks when it's staring you down, even in the best of times.
I don't think I'm necessarily much better equiped now than I was in Week 1 for marriage. I think I'm just getting tired of having these "To-do's" 2-6 months in advance. Some of which are really major like finding an affordable 1 bedroom in Manhattan...which I've never had to worry about! I'm surprisingly not the kind of person who likes actual lists of things to-do written out. I usually remember what I need to do. If I know I won't remember what I need to do, then I make special effort to write it down...and then end up just remembering better since I wrote it down. Generally, I've relied on my memory for these kinds of things. This is what makes me hate planning/anticipating big, obnoxious, life-changing events. I like to know EVERYTHING about everything, but that's a little impossible to do! Things like a wedding have so many moving parts and tiny details, kind of representative with how big a deal it is. I just really want to go to all the vendors and book them, and make all these things, and talk with all these people, and buy all these things, I've already decided on...but I know how weird that would be to do at this point in time.
Whenever someone asks about my plans and I tell them all about the things we've already done, I sometimes get a "Wow, you're so organized!" I wanna say, "No, it's more like I'm crazy!".
However, I'm finding that just like anything in this adult life, transitioning is gonna take time. I've been grateful for this time so far. Ben and I absolutely need that time. But when I see a deal on bubble blowers on the Knot and realize that I probably shouldn't buy it because I'll have 6 month old bubble solution at my wedding and I must stop myself from making my decision final...it's just so frustrating and representative of the larger reality of engagement being a holding station. True, a holding station made by God where much growth will happen, but a holding station nonetheless.
I just want to affirm your feelings- I definitely felt this way! Not ALL the time, but had moments where I felt crazed over the 'hurry up and decide, but then don't actually do anything about it' stuff. Engagement is good, and by the end you'll be SO READY to be Married... I honestly think engagement is there to help you relax into the marriage part- it feels like such a relief after the wedding, etc. Not that it isn't good, but really... just know that in many ways, marriage is easier than engagement. Not on all fronts, but it is different for sure. Anyway, i just babbled, but hopefully can encourage you that your feeling is...normal at least... and it does get better. :)
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