Application of "Reaching Out" to the Financial Crisis

I think the thing that is really hard to parse out about the current economic situation is the amount of vitriol people use for these financial titans they've trusted yet are now proven to be as human as the rest of us. People are seriously out for blood. It's funny, but so far I'm the only one out of my cousins that's decided to go for business as a vocation. Funny to me because I thought that was the most traditional thing anyone could do, go work for a company (though I didn't necessarily do it for "traditional" reasons or aims). Now the way things are going, looks like there's a shift to healthcare/education/social work...and there were always cousins who were pretty artistic so a fair amount will be writers, musicians, and graphic designers. Point is, with all this stuff going on, I'm a focal point in my grandfather's mind. He's always asking me, "Hey, have you cleaned up Wall St yet?"

To which I usually laugh off. Of course, he's half joking...but I wish I could answer him with what I really think about this stuff. Mainly that the crisis is all of our faults, coming out of a general brokeness of all things man made and there is none that seeks God, not one. I wish I could answer "Well, have you forgiven and made peace with your siblings yet?...No?...then not yet for me either."

I'm writing about this because Nouwen in "Reaching Out" mentioned it in a way I haven't heard anyone else do so. Most of the media are too busy placing blame and most people are interested in punishment. It's really affirming to know that another Christian thinks similarly about widespread crisis/suffering.

This quote is in the context of the civil rights activists of the sixties. It's a long one, but all of it is important.
"...If any criticism can be made of the sixties, it is not that protest was meaningless but that it was not deep enough, in the sense theat it was not rooted in the solitude of the heart. When only our minds and hands work together we quickly become dependent on the results of our actions and tend to give up when they do not materialize. In the solitude of the heart we can truly listen to the pains of the world because there we can recognize them not as strange unfamiliar pains, but as pains that are indeed our own. There we can see that what is most universal is most personal and that indeed nothing human is strange to us. There we can feel that the cruel reality of history is indeed the reality of the human heart, our own included, and that to protest asks, first of all, for a confession of our own participation in the human condition. There we can indeed respond.

It would be paralyzing to proclaim that we, as individuals, are responsible for all human suffering, but it is a liberating message to say we are called to respond to it. Because out of an inner solidarity with our fellow humans the first attempts to alleviate these pains can come forth.

It is this inner solidarity which prevents self-righteousness and makes compassion possible."

I'm obviously not a policy maker, so don't misunderstand where I'm coming from and what I'm trying to say. I'm just saying our attitudes need to change. And this has implications from the macro level to the micro everyday. I'm just tired of the self-righteousness both from within and without. Stop reacting and start responding creatively to the problems of this world that can only come from a solitude that works out your faith and dependance on God.

Buying things

So Ramit Sethi has his new book out today and I've been reading the excerpts he's so nicely posted. I told myself that I wouldn't buy this book, (since I rarely buy books and I usually go to the library), but these excerpts are making it tempting. If anything I will buy it used and not for the full price just to make myself feel better.

Speaking of discounts, I finally went to Woodbury with Grace!!

First, Woodbury was just more amazing than I thought. I really only went because I heard that the Brooks Brothers shirts that are normally $85 are $60 there (these shirts last forever and are non-iron and fit me really well). But I was just astonished at how good most of the deals were. I saved about $237 or about a weighted savings rate of 51%, as compared to prices I found online. And the gas we used probably just amounted to $2 or something. This is like really, really nice stuff I don't ever buy. Of note was J. Crew clothing for Gap prices. So soft!!! Shopping there was seriously like shopping on Black Friday.

Second, this is the second time I've really shopped with Grace. And I've determined that she is the perfect shopping buddy for me. This is gonna seem weird to expound upon the joys of shopping with Grace, but really the impact is that huge. I'm the kind of person who generally shops alone and likes to shop alone, because I vary widely from being really quick with my decisions and truly taking my time with other things. I have spent half an hour trying to figure out which bread to buy, yet 5 minutes deciding on a shirt. Weird I know. So it's almost impossible for me to really know how to shop with other people (even with family, we would just split up and meet somewhere central 2 hours later, occassionally running into one another at certain stores).

I've determined a few things that makes my shopping style jive with Grace's
1) I can trust her to tell me the truth and have real insight about what's going on with an outfit. This also means, I feel ok showing her how foolish I look in something. I also feel the freedom to not take her advice, cause it's not like she expects me to necessarily do so. This also makes decision making a lot faster, than me ruminating by myself.
2) I feel like I go to stores I wouldn't normally go to by myself (because I'm a bit defeatist and would talk myself out of the thought of even finding something there that fits me, my style, and my price range). Not that I necessarily buy anything when I go to these stores, but it exposes me to pricing and fashions that are out there. I think this is the annoying thing about shopping with my family, they go to the same stores over and over again, so we really have no idea if something is truly a deal or not.
3) I don't feel like I have to wait too long for her. She makes decisions in an adequate time frame.

In summary, the balance of aimless meandering and decisive selection, truth telling and individual thought, that Grace brings makes shopping for hours on end with someone else actually enjoyable.

I think the only thing that would make Woodbury better is if it was located in Jersey City where they don't have a sales tax on clothing.

Who's money is it anyway? - RANT

This seems like the redux version of this movie. Very cool and very informative. Talk about generational sin! This is like me and my parents times trillions of dollars.

It made me think of some stuff about money that kind of really annoy me about people. This is why people should be paying taxes if you owe them. Give to Caeser what is Caeser's. For me, you don't have a right to complain about the government if 1) you don't vote 2) you don't pay taxes when you should. But forget about the practicality of paying taxes to a free government - it ain't your money anyway!

I think it's great when people are so generous to charity and ministry which is something, believe it or not, Americans do relatively well. But there seems to be a lot of Americans who wish they didn't have to pay taxes at all and get defensive about the government getting their money....but that's the thing, it's not our money, it's God's. So if it's not yours, then what's the difference between the duty of tithing and the obligation to "Caeser", both of which are commanded? My theory is it's easy to give to charity because it feels good, it's an obvious "good work" that maybe not everyone sees, but somebody sure does, even if it's just the person working at the church counting up the offering basket. But taxes don't feel good at all, they just feel like their taking money away with no "good works" points in return.

I think it's obvious that that's not the reason why we should be giving our money to anything. Life should be an outpouring of gratefulness and praise to God. Last time I checked money is definitely a part of life, especially living in the richest country in the world!! So giving my money to the Navigators is not how I gauge my love of money, it's more than that. Do I spend my money generously on other people? Do I pay my taxes without a grudge? Do I save so as not to be a burden on others? And really the question is: Who's money is this and am I using it in a way that is glorifying to Him? It's not about behavior modification, it's about what you believe about your money.

Of course, of course I'm not perfect at all in this. But I thought I'd get that off my chest, because now that it's tax season, I'm reading a lot about this stuff, and the fact that not paying taxes now is just going to lead to higher taxes later is rational, yet we are so not rational.

Random Friday

Ben and I are gonna do the Voices of Redeemer choir this weekend. Singing for this is always fun! You get to sit on stage and hear the sermon from behind Tim Keller.

Whenever I stop and think about it, it's so weird to me how used to my life I am. I am sincerely a creature of habit, and once a habit is there, I pretty much run on autopilot. Like code being added to a program. I think that's why when someone suddenly wants to engage with me during the day, I kinda need to take a second and respond. I'm not a robot, but I sure act like one for most of my waking life.

John was warning Dave (who is currently seriously dating this girl) not to propose to her on Valentine's Day because the ring would constitute as a gift and if they ever fell through she has a legal right not to give it back. Also, John says there is a legal precedent of a ruling that said a proposal made and agreed on anything but a holiday or birthday is a legal contract which means if the contract is broken then the girl would have a legal obligation to give the ring back (John is a bit of a nerd, told you he was smart)...Needless to say, I'm never taking any advice of this kind from these men.


I've built up quite a history on Mint.com. And this is showing all the restaurants I've been to in the last 6 months....wow...I can't even read it. And these are only the one's I used a credit card, the cash transactions aren't represented.

Tim Keller has an AMAZING extra sermon he gave on work for the Center for Faith and Work Open House deal. I wasn't able to go because I was at the retreat, but because I knew an insider (aka Sonja) I was able to ask for a recording. It's on the front page of the Center for Faith and Work website FOR FREE! If you work, you wanna hear this.

Money/Economics Links

I got this excellent personal finance related video from Benny. HILARIOUS!

Here was an interesting article in the WSJ about Atlas Shrugged as compared to our current economic times.

And that's it for me!..treating ya'll to a lazy post.

Busy Weekend In Brief

So my throat is recovering from yesterday's game. I'm proud of the Cardinals. They played a good game despite all the low expectations. I can't imagine them making it to the Super Bowl again, so it was good to cherish it while it lasted.

So quite a few thoughts from the weekend. I'm gonna try to parse it out.

1) I cannot believe how many people have done that random 25 things list. I feel pretty spiffy being an early adopter. And that's all thanks to my teenage cousins that keep me in with the times.

2) Redeemer Membership Interview = intense + affirming + convicting The deaconess and elder pairing (that happened to be a married couple) that interviewed me were pretty awesome. They made me re-think certain things about my story that I never even thought about or re-considered (a lot of things in life need re-considering I realize, none of it is set, at least if you realize that you're not always right). Also, while looking through my application, I realized that nowhere else was my entire testimony written out like that. The couple remarked how I shouldn't under estimate what God has done with my life and what I can do with it for His glory. I gotta say, I am so like the Israelites forgetting not just God's goodness, but how good He has been. Praise Jesus and may he be glorified in my life! Anyhoo, I'm gonna be a member!

3) Installed some new apps to my BBerry. One of which was Opera Mini which I only found out about last week. That's the thing about BBerry's, I'd probably have not much of a different experience on a G1 or even an iPhone if not for the easy access to an app maarket. Anyway, waaaaay cool because I can now access websites I couldn't on the 8800 Series version of the web browser (most important of which is Mint).

4) I had my first two guinea pigs (I hold guinea pigs in high regard, so don't be offended if this was you) with budget counseling. It was a great opportunity for me because they had completely different financial situations that I had to come up with different solutions. Plus, it's really quite exhausting, you can really feel the "counseling" part of it sometimes. I heard myself saying things like "Look at this number, how does it make you feel?" It was just weird having to nudge people and kick them in the butt to help them reconsider some things. Also, it kinda helps me figure out what I know exactly and how to go about doing stuff like this, since just like any talent we are given, its purpose is to serve other people, so fine-tuning how I present information is a good idea. If anyone else wants to go through this with me, let me know!

5) I never thought running into your counselor on the street would be such a non-awkward and even happy experience. I would definitely be this woman's friend if I wasn't paying her.

6) Ben makes me like old people more than I probably would.

7) Thought on the opera we saw Orfeo ed Euridice. At first you think it's just this simple myth, but I thought about it some more.

Here's a brief Xaris synopsis: Orfeo is the child of one of the muses and a mortal (I forget who) so he has the gift of music. So Orfeo's wife Euridice dies right after their wedding. He's all sad about it so Cupid (Amor) comes down and offers him a deal. He can go to the land of the dead to retrieve his wife as long as he can get through the gates of Hades and he cannot actually look at his wife nor tell her why he can't. So he gets through the gates because the Furies and the ghosts all feel bad for him via his use of song. He gets to the Elysian fields and heroes and other good souls bring him his wife. As they're trying to go back to the living world, Euridice gets all angsty and upset because Orfeo won't look at her. She thinks their love is lost and that she's bound to this life of grief and would rather have stayed dead. In anguish, Orfeo looks at her. She dies, again. Orfeo tries to kill himself but Amor stops him and tells him that he's shown his devotion and will bring Euridice back to life again. Then they (Amor, nymphs, and some shepherds) all dance and sing in celebration of the power of love.

It sounds pretty la-di-da and simplistic, of course theologically wrong. However, I thought about the whole Orfeo can't look at her thing. Cupid sings about it saying something like, because lovers can be blind and unable to see the truth. So what does it mean when Orfeo looks at Euridice? I thought maybe it's like he finally sees her truly so she dies because her true self is revealed and dead, and Orfeo wants to die because he's killed his love then only Cupid (Amor/love) can save both Orfeo and Euridice granting them mercy.

It's kind of interesting to think about. I would die if I were to be seen as I truly am, and only God's love can save me. I would be filled with anguish if I harm someone so deeply, that only God's love can ease my burden and give me joy. I think this is just one of those stories that no one ever thinks much about, but for some reason everyone likes. And it's because it points to a longing within ourselves for grace and hope. It points to a fulfilled need of Jesus.

Man, Con West was totally worth it. Those Ancient Greeks sure were in touch with the psychology and mental psyche of man.

Changing My Life One App At a Time

So I tricked out my budget...again. I realized while talking to Ben that there was no way I was keeping myself in check when I overspent in a category in a month. I just kind of guessed my way through it not exactly knowing if that was ok since I didn't spend so much in another category down the road. Anyway, hard to explain, but I just stepped it up a notch.

On other exciting organizing life news. I finally sat down and figured out the whole Google up stuff on my BBerry (I know very lame of me to have waited this long)! So, now I have access to my Picasaweb pictures, Google Reader, Google maps (with street view apparently, but haven't checked it), and Google Docs. And then, I can sync my Google calendar and Contacts with the native software on the BBerry! There actually seem to be more Google apps on there (including a way to text a post to Blogger), but I'd spent all my time looking through my Google calendar to make sure it's accurate. I haven't really paid attention to it before only because it was all online, just used the reminder functionality to get emails when bills needed to get paid.

That said, I don't think I'll get rid of my paper calendar just yet. I think it's way too useful and freeing (as in I can write whatever information I want). BUT, now if someone is asking me about my plans, I don't have to whip it out, I can just look at my phone which is more readily available usually. SO COOL!

Things I'd rather pay attention to

It's interesting how I really do utilize myself. Being that I don't have much to do, I have all this time and energy that I bring into any issue that arises, from being on hold with the cable company for a few hours to opening new bank accounts and credit cards. But I think, a lot of times, this is just too much freedom and I end up blowing off a lot of stuff that I probably should be doing. The stuff that really matters.

One example of something that doesn't really matter: I'm getting a hair cut today. I scheduled it with the same girl who did it last time, which is new for me. I've never found someone to be loyal to. But it seems that the cut I got last time just grew out so nicely, I need to try her out again and to see if it's for real.

Also, LOST! I got Ben hooked on it last Summer and I've been watching all the old episodes with him. Also, for the first time I am for real all caught up because I finished last season's episodes when I was at home with the HDTV!!! It was interesting, because I think it's really easy to forget how all these people got started with all the questions asking/answering and new questions forming every single episode. It's interesting being sad again when people died and being nostalgic about when certain things happen or people are introduced. And now, I can truly say nothing is really in the way of me watching every single episode, like a normal person following a show. I've waited all of college for this.

Another thing I've busied myself with is my taxes. I found out from the NY state website that I can get my taxes done for free at http://www.taxslayer.com/ (eligible to people under 25 years of age and over 65 years of age...check the NY State site to make sure it's the best one for you). Only thing though, is that it doesn't really explain things very well. Really, it's just only slightly more useful (and more aesthetically pleasing) than the form itself. So what I would do is open a TurboTax account for free (in fact make sure you pick the Free Edition, and if you prefer you can do your Federal taxes on there...there's also a Freedom Edition for people making less than a certain amount). They're a lot more user friendly when it comes to asking you questions and you actually getting all the deductions right. Then check back to TaxSlayer and input all the different items, since TurboTax so nicely categorizes it for you anyway. It's rare for both the federal and state tax return to be filed for FREE! You just pay a processing fee for the e-file (unless you mail it in yourself). Don't use a service. But then, even if you do, the fees you use for the service are deductible for next year. Anyway, checking out your own state's tax site is totally worth it.

Smart Investing

So I borrowed this book from the library called The Smartest Investment Book You'll Ever Read by Daniel R. Solin. And I've been having lots of fun with it today. It's cool because I do know a bunch of things from school which allows me to skip around this book. He spends lots of time trying to convince you of the data behind what he's saying, but being that I've actually read the academic studies wigged out with all those formulas (even used them as a source in papers I wrote), I don't need no convincing. He doesn't outline them in this book, instead he refers to them plainly and it's a very easy read, even for people who have no idea what investing is about. It's only 152 pages or so (not including the appendix stuff, which isn't really necessary).

His main thesis is that you don't need a broker, because historically fund managers haven't done any better than randomly picking stock. Yes, it's true. Sure a manager can manage to "beat the market" for a few years straight, but the average overall return is usually no better...sometimes worse than the market.

So, I went ahead and bought my first ETF into my Roth, VTI (Vanguard Total Stock Market ETF). It's a really small purchase, considering my little bundle, but I got excited to really find out how it would work. I used to work in the Ops division of this securities firm and would process all these confirms for trades matching them with the ticket the trader filled out...it's kind of weird to know that somewhere out there, an employee is doing the same thing for my dinky trade (well, it was probably bundled up with others). Probably won't be trading again anytime soon though, because I realized it's not worth the trade commission until I've got more volume. I also busied myself comparing expense ratios of similar funds and ETFs in a spreadsheet. For anyone who's interested in knowing (I had fun ^_^):

Looks like Vanguard has the cheapest ETFs, and I ain't rich enough for the funds. Anyway, just thought I'd share!

Good Finance

I opened a Roth IRA today!! SWEET!! I'm so excited. I'm unsure as to how to invest it, but I've at least set up an automatic transfer. It might sit in cash for awhile or maybe I'll just be impulsive and get a Target Retirement Fund...hmm. Maybe I should just give those Schwab people a call.

I remembered another reason I'm looking forward to going home is showing my mom all the neat things I've learned and how I manage my money. (Perhaps my father and brother as well, if they would like). Also, coming up to year-end, this will be the first file that I have an entire year for (I started the current format in July 2007). I'm excited for all the ways I can manipulate this data. I could probably make my own annual report if I wanted to and put pictures in it and graphs and charts (haha). This also means I can clear out all the accounts I closed and can start with a clean slate.

I guess what I'm really saying is it's nice to know that things can change for the better (cue For Good, just for some pinoy fun).

Foundation of Self

I've been seeing a lot of random Sternies, ever since I started work...even in Jersey City. I saw this one guy today (AGAIN!), and I still can't believe he actually has a job...he was a bit of a cheater/slacker at school. Anyway, I think I always see him when he's running late because I get to work at around 8:45am and he's only just starting to go to the city.

I guess I should have realized this before, but it's weird that as long as I work in this area, I'm always going to have that familiar Stern building experience of recognizing faces, but not actually knowing the person. I have never even talked to or had a class with a lot of Sternies, but I can pick them out and recognize them on the street. It's kinda cool, kinda like we're taking over the world the way Dean Blount-Lyon always says touts we will.

Anyway, THANK YOU LAUREN for pointing out Beth Moore's blog. I guess we should've expected it from that woman. That's a really good post by her too, and one I need now. Frankly, when you're feeling lost and confused sometimes you forget that's what you're supposed to feel...because you are. It's like all the other times we're just making do with not knowing, in both good and bad ways.

A couple weeks ago I got in the habit of singing in the shower that song we would sing while re-establishing the poles for the building (again and again) in Honduras. The song was about the man who built his house on the sandy land. "Don't build your house on the sandy land, don't build your house on the shore, well it might be kind of nice, but you'll have to build it twice...you'll have to build your house once more." That's how I remember it anyway.

I'm excited because I just reconciled my phone to my address book for most of the morning. It was very tedious, but I kept doing it and didn't stop concentrating, didn't even look at the computer once. Whew, yes I can still concentrate! It's something very little, but it means a lot to me. It contributes a lot to my sense of self.

I went to this Stewardship seminar with Redeemer last night, and it's really affirming to talk to Christian finance professionals. I can talk about my faith, as well as talk about money without feeling like a dork. People tend to be so uncomfortable talking about money, but for me (like many things I guess) I wish it was easier to just get to the point. I think it was Tim Keller who pointed out how people find it so much easier to talk about sex than to talk about money. Sure people talk about their sexual past, but I don't remember the last time I heard someone talk about how much they spent on clothes last year and how that compared to how much they gave to God.

It was scary, because I started thinking about how I wish I could be like these cool professionals doing ministry work at the same time. Maybe...maybe...even do financial counseling. I freaked myself out because I'd never even thought about it before. That would mean more schooling, probably at a seminary...wow, I thought, wow I can't believe I'm thinking like this!

Back to the song about sandy land. Jesus is my rock foundation (at least I like to think so), but He can be so all mysterious and hazy sometimes. And I think Beth Moore's post is challenging me to stay within that. And in that haze, it's almost like I can do absolutely anything...it's irritating and wonderful at the same time.

Movie Quotes and Budgeteering

I'm a bit of a movie freak. But only a bit, not too much. Really, it's just like saying I'm an escapist. But I like to think it's more than that because I read the movie section of the NY Times, and read up on the business of Hollywood.

Anyway, amongst the many wonderful things I got to enjoy this Thanksgiving weekend with the amazing Grace L (with whom, I realized, I have had a profound number of shared unique experiences with), was being able to just watch movies. I continued doing so when I got home because LOTR and Tomorrow Never Dies were on. I also finally got to watch The Family Man, which came out in 2000. I've thought about this film many, many times so I'm so glad I finally got it out of the way. It had a smattering of golden quotes in it; one of which was: "Don't screw up the best thing in your life just because you're a little unsure about who you are."

Here's one from The Two Towers...indulge me:
"Frodo: I can't do this, Sam.
Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?
Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for. "

On other news, another person has caught a glimpse of my overwhelming budget skills. Christine, my coworker from the Ops group, was coming over for a bit of chit chat while I was madly going through my receipts from this weekend as well as just doing the month end stuff. She was like, "Are you busy?" I was like, "Nope." Then she said, "Man, it looked like some complicated mapping or something." I think sometimes I work on my budget just because it does kinda look like work. She further explained that her mother did all her accounting for her and does not even know any of her passwords nor how much is in her bank account...I could not even imagine. This is from a girl who wears Brooks Brothers shirts with cuff links and looks fabulous EVERYDAY (yes, Grace, she's that girl) and has generally had more experience and knowledge about the business than me. I was semi-shocked.

Good news is whenever I show someone my budget, they inevitably figure out I'm a Christian ^_^. She was like, "Who are those people? Why do they get a piece of the deal?" And I say, "Oh, they're my missionary friends." And leave the rest of the explanation for later.

I Wish for Control

I had this random thought today that I wish I could manage people's money. Not like rich people, but like normal people, partly because I have no real skill with investing money, but I'm also really so super informed about the different ways people can organize their money. So it's not like I made this stuff up, I read it in some personal finance article or book or something, but the majority of people I know just don't have the interest or the time to read that stuff. I on the other hand do. Really, I just know little things that could save people a lot of money or psychological grief and just transform lives in general. My aunt is a financial advisor...I wonder what her job is like though. When I was working at ML, the job seemed impossible to live with.

In the end, it really is just money. And I somehow largely stay away from telling people what they need to do in self-righteous fashion (except for people who ask for it....and unfortunately Ben who's not necessarily asking for it, I publicly confess). What's a couple hundred bucks a month in our eternal lives!? But it's kinda one of those things. Like having good looking clothes doesn't truly matter, but if that's your thing and you want to stay in style, then you go for it and reap the benefits of your efforts. Personal finance is my thing.

Am I crazy here?

On another note, check out the banner ad at the bottom! I got it from the Humane Society.

Bites and Mint

So God is really trying to tell me something. I think I got bit by a spider on Sunday night. The bite was largely fine yesterday (thank God!), but it may be because I was drinking insane amounts of water, and took some aspirin (fending off the normal Monday headache). Today, it has decided to swell a bit more, throb in pain and puss out. At least, this time this is on my ankle, a completely hidden part of my body, instead of my face. Don't worry, I already called my good for nothing Dermatologist and setup an appointment. I hadn't been to a dermatologist IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, and this past 3 months I would have seen her 3 times. And every time I'm there for like 5 minutes, as she looks at me quickly, tells me it's going away, perscribes me some expensive cream and tells me not to eat spicy food or get flustered, then takes my $25 copay. Seriously, in 5 minutes.

On to the main purpose of this post.

As most of you know, I have this awesome (as in efficient, not necessarily wise ^_^) budget that I created on Excel. Of course though, it has some limitations. It's very time intensive when looking up and entering transactions and I've never been able to figure out how to effectively integrate my student loans on there. So I finally gave in and opened up a Mint account, something I had been hearing about for awhile. It's one of many free budget tools online. It hooks up into all your accounts (checking, savings, brokerage, 401K, IRA's, loans, credit cards, name the financial institution and it's on there) and compiles them all. I think the coolest part about it is the pie charts as shown below.


This was already something I was trying to do in my dinky Excel, but the chart is amazing. Say you have like a high-level pie chart with like Home, Food and Dining, etc. categories, you can click on a category (like Food and Dining) and it shows you what percentages of it were Restaurants, Fast Food, Groceries, then click on Restaurants, it shows you all the restaurants you've been to and how much you spent on it (my example is up there, if you can read it). It's insane! I never knew that I pretty much don't visit sit down restaurants more than once or twice in a month! I'm quite a restaurant fiend! To the right of the chart marks the frequency you did business at a particular place.

What's below the pie chart is also interesting because you can compare how much you spend to how much other people who use Mint spend in any city. And it even does it per business. So basically I can compare how much people spend in NY at French Roast on average to how much I spend in a month! There's really a lot more to it and here is a fuller review. I'm just highlighting what I think are the coolest features I've played with so far.

It's really easy to use, and once it's setup, it's setup automatically as in it refreshes the accounts by itself. I think the most tedious part in setting up is just looking through the transactions and putting them in the right categories. But a lot of them are really automatically there (like it recognizes Ann Taylor as Clothing). I'll probably keep using my Excel budget, just because it gives me a remarkable amount of control and I can see the impact of a transaction whenever I want to, not like wait around until it hits my account. But getting to play with the charts in this thing, getting reminders about when a credit card bill is due, and getting to check only this site to see if something has gone through (as in I don't have to go to all the different websites of all my different banks and credit cards) are good additions to the way I manage and analyze my money.

So yeah, this is another post on money...but I've got the time on my hands and the attention span to match. I don't know if any of you would actually go and do this, but I think it's super cool. Any interest out there? Comments?

Dreams of my Father

First of all, from the man himself (I'm so proud that my boyfriend sent me this).

I went to a Redeemer seminar yesterday to hear Dr. Peter Heslam talk about bringing the world closer to the Kingdom of God through business. Right up my alley no? Because I'm a dork and I have all this time on my hands below are my crude Paint renditions of the diagrams he showed us.
The one on the right is referring to the problem of Poverty, and how it can be pushed out through business with the 4 different types of capital: Institutional, Relational, Moral, and Spiritual. The left describes how Spiritual Capital is foundational to all the others i.e. Spiritual leads to Moral leads to Relational leads to Institutional and Institutional informs Relational informs Moral informs Spiritual. Institutional is all about having good governments, low corruption, free markets and whatnot. It seems counter-intuitive, but studies show that the lower the corruption is, the freer the markets are for a country. Relational is having the intelligence to know how to do business with people aka not screwing people over. It's hard to trade with another country if you're at war. Therefore, peace = good for business. Moral capital is what it sounds like, just being honest since the main currency to keep the economy running is trust (which is what is disintegrating right now). Spiritual capital is really what we Christians know as religion and the Christian life in general, but Dr. Heslam is trying to translate Gospel language to a secular world and chooses to say "Spiritual" for people who are scared of religion in hopes that later on they'll be convicted about the sustainability of their spirituality without religion.

He talked about A LOT of interesting points in like 30 minutes. But mainly he talked about the value of bringing us closer to the Kingdom of God through business without necessarily having conversions. That unbeknownst to the Chinese he talks to, who deem Spirituality as Confuscianism, they are living out the will of God by adopting these foundational ideas, and he can be a witness to Jesus in the meantime. It was really cool having to use all the things I'd learned from my development and Colonialism classes at school to understand the bigger picture of what he was saying (I smell another paper). It spoke so deeply to my soul and the dreams I have about the power of business for the glory of God that after talking to Mike Chen (who we all know is such a good listener and was at the seminar) about some of my ideas, I literally wanted to cry (and did so when I admitted it out loud). I am such a friggin' feeler. It's so rare to be able to think and expound upon with others who understand and are working with me to bring about the specific vision God has personally shown me in so many times of insipiration while at school. To similarly think that at the root of Capitalism is evil, but it can be redeemed by the grace of God, that it could work for the good of those who love Him and surrender to Him and then furthermore the world.

I was invited to do a recruitment event for tonight at NYU. I immediately was excited, some may say inexplicably so knowing my experience with work so far. I couldn't quite understand it either. But it's a lot like welcoming freshmen into Navs. It's being transparent and honest and welcoming people into a company (which apparently comes from the latin of "breaking bread together"). And from that vantage point, I'm able to influence my own company as they see that I'm willing to invest in it. It's part of Redeemer's whole thing about being for the city, but not of it.

My co-worker went with me to the 6pm service yesterday too and she responded very well! It was such an answer to prayer. She's a Christian, but I can tell she has idols in her life that she has not really admitted to (don't we all ^_^). I look forward to what God has in store for her and the deepening of her faith.

Obviously, it has been a good birthday season so far (and I've only written the half of it!). God is good and faithful. That would be true anyway even if I had a bad birthday, but it's great to say when it feels so easy. Blessed be His name.

A Different Friday

Ok, ok, I know it's a little demented, but I keep noticing all the sad trader pictures they have and think, wait a second, what if they really were just rubbing their eyes, what if they ALWAYS look like that because being a trader sucks. Then I found this. I tell ya, Google Reader can be so negative.

I'm kinda having a different day today because I got to come into the NY office. Usually, the only advantage of that is I sleep 45 more minutes (which is a great advantage indeed), but today I got to stay in a "Hoteling Room" where guest employees can login. There's a window and it's toward a part of the building that's not blocked and it opens to a patio area with plants. I see birds flying by once and awhile. And because I'm in a room, I can have pandora on. I just had a moment before writing this with a feeling of this must be how it is to be a writer or some self-employed person.

I got a bit of work to do today. I hope it ends up looking cool and being fruitful.

Idols and Home Life

Ok, so I'm still thinking about money a little today. Really, truly though, please read what Ramit has to say. If you read anything from this guy read this post. It's really interesting to see what he has to say about money. Considering the thought that money usually flows easiest to things we most love and treasure, the things we idolize, what he says implies that we're not even wise enough to idolize those things correctly. So not only are we foolish to store our treasures here instead of in heaven, we are even more foolish because we don't even stay consistent with our own desires. Just a thought...

I definitely do not regret leading a Bible Study on Saturday mornings. "Let's be clear!" (haha) But I am looking forward to getting to sleep in for the first time in weeks this Saturday!!! I also look forward to cooking myself a big breakfast, and watching VH1's Top 20 Countdown. I also look forward to finally finishing off our painting job, and perhaps repairing the awesome stickers I wanted to use that have since tragically fallen off (trust me, it's tragic to me). I look forward to doing these things without feeling guilty about it because I'm sick or something and I probably should be sleeping instead of paying attention to household things (some of which, I just have to mention in passive aggressive fashion, is not my duty to begin with). I might even friggin' clean the bathroom and take out the mountain of recycling I'm sooo excited. I think I'm just tired of feeling guilty about it, while no action has been taken at all by anyone. The J in me flares up beyond reason.

Money

For better or for worse, I've been reading and thinking a lot about money today. I've noticed that ever since I was thus gainfully employed, there are whole days where I have somehow devoted all my time in thinking about something money related. I just get into this attitude all of the sudden, and then I need to just keep reading and keep doing stuff in Excel until I figure something out. It could be tinkering with my budget, applying for (the right) credit cards, 401K fund shopping (even though I'm not even participating yet), or learning more about IRAs, CDs, MMAs, my own student loans and creating some crude models out of that information.

Truth is, I don't have much at all (which is depressing considering how much I make). I overspend, frequently. And that's really embarrassing to admit, considering everything I know about saving/investing. I freaking studied investor and consumer behavior in school, but I still fall into the same heuristics and the same American consumerist ways. I know I have time. I'm only 22 after all (almost 23!). But the math in my mind keeps guilting me with "Man, if you just started now, like TODAY, you could be a millionaire by the time you're 65."

Feeling like this today has a lot to do with this guy. He's really smart and really practical and really reasonable, and he'll tell it like it is (he has a post that's titled "Cook at home, you lazy ass!" HAHA). And this site really is useful, and I hope all of you (since it's geared toward all of you) will get a chance to peruse some of his basic posts. But if you spend all this time reading posts and contributing to forums like I do (because I have the time to do that now), I think it gets kind of overwhelming.

The good news is, usually I go on this smorgasbord of money thinking, then the next day, I just let the decisions I made take its course, not worrying about it again...The problem is this is when I overspend and not realize I undermine the decisions I've made if I don't stick with my budget. As in, I can't invest somewhere if I can't save anything. Sometimes I think I'm fine with paying such high taxes (I screwed up my exemption number I think because I'm paying about 30% of my income! I am far from a tax bracket where that's appropriate I think.), because then when I get a refund next year it'll be like I was forced to save that money if I scooch it straight into a high-interest savings account at ING. But then there's all that opportunity cost.

Anyway, that's the details. Point is, I wish I was better with my money, most especially because I actually know how to do that. I just don't do it!

Thoughts for the day

I've sworn off of Google Reader for awhile. I think I'm just subscribed to waaay too much cynical, irreverent material. That stuff can really spoil my mind, though it is rather informative. Why is it for people to feel like they're being "real" they think it's all yucky and dirty? Can't I be real while being clean and joyful? Reality involves a lot of redemption and hope.

I've been thinking about how incredibly great timing it is that I'm in the workforce in this industry at this point in time. I'd be experiencing this so differently if I was still in school (ie more panic and personal anxiety). For all the talk of Wall St. and Main St., being a part of both worlds, I'm largely untouched and all there is is possibility. I'll remember this moment, this month, this period for the rest of my life. I only really wish I could invest some money (if you got anything, anything at all, do it!).

Meanwhilst, I started playing my DS at work because I got a new game (well, my 8 year old cousin got a duplicate game for her birthday so I quickly volunteered to be a beneficiary of the extra, it pays to be a girl in my family). As incredibly sad as that may sound, I see it as more like pushing the envelope. How much can I really get away with? I was already knitting yesterday (and that actually makes rhythmic sounds as the needles knock onto each other). I think it was last week when I found out how to play Lemmings online.

You may think, Xaris, what would happen if you put all that effort and creativity into your work? To which I say, Dude, I've tried! There's only so much a girl can do pursuing something that doesn't really mean much to her anyway! It's amazing that I care as much as I still do for this stupid project. I still ask questions, and I still learn things. But if they're content in not giving me anything real to do and still pay me every month, then that's fine by me. I'll just sit here quietly with my video game.

Lehman

It's times like these that I wonder what God is doing. It's times like these that I need to process. First of all, the practical and general observations. OMG, who would have known! Three of the five major independent broker/dealer houses of Wall St have all but disappeared and swallowed up by commercial banks in less than 7 months. No doubt about it, these are extreme times, and a new world order is emerging. It's as if there was a revolution and the South did win the Civil War and seceded. It's as if my grandparents divorced, but with world consequences. Commercial banks with reliable deposits are emerging as if the banks are just going back to basics. Lehman, a bank that was started in the 1800s (!), is gone. And of course, I take issue with any government bail out. I'm a taxpayer after all and I don't think billionaire's (which CEO Dick Fuld is one of, I used to dream about being his daughter) should be saved from their own friggin' mess, but the fact that the Fed chose to save others and just said no to Lehman makes it a decider of who lives and dies. That's an unfortunate position. And btw, Obama's comment about how this is Bush's fault gives him negative 1000 points from me. Either 1) he doesn't really understand how little the presidency has sway over the current problems we have, thus University of Chicago economics hasn't put a dent in him and he would be utterly unable to fix this specific problem, 2) he does understand, but is using this current crisis as an opportunity to put blame on the current administration, which is just dirty politics. I'd like him to show me how Bush had direct involvement with the bad bets the market has made on housing, and really what Bush could do to clean it up. And what a 2-year Democratic congress has done so far to ease the pain, when after all we were having an alright 5 years of recovery before that. They can't do much at all, and they shouldn't. Granted though, I do think it seems that Obama could make a difference for the middle class and small businesses, not for big businesses and rich people who would be more than fine either way. I read this article in the NY Times that showed how the rich have gotten richer about the same amount whether the president was a Democrat or a Republican, the real difference was for the middle class. No one sits around thinking, I'm not going to make more money because of the taxes, people try to make money whatever the consequence. It's the capitalist way! Unless capitalism falls and we suddenly become communists or another Great Depression happens, the government can do nothing about the larger market and its infrastructure. It's the freedom that people have fought and died for.

Now a smaller scale of the city. New York City will be hit hard. The job loss and loss of business presence of these once two major Wall St giants will result in smaller tax revenues and thus budget cuts in education, healthcare, transportation, etc. NYU is kinda microcosm of this. NYU is a great school with lots of amazing, top-notch arts and liberal arts programs. But NYU's largest donations come from Stern alumni. NYC is a city of culture, art, drama, etc., but it depends a lot on Wall St. to keep this city going. I don't know, maybe we'll be fine. Maybe some other huge company (aka Bank of America) will take over the huge hole that 745 7th Ave (Lehman HQ) will leave. They just have to change everything green to red. Not to mention the thousands of people who are losing their jobs, some of whom know and love....where will they go?

And we finally get to the personal. It was weird to find my tears welling up when I saw the pictures on the front page of the WSJ of all the angsty, frustrated, and devastated people that run "the markets". Though the markets really is the epitome of "chaff in the wind" as the Bible says, there are a lot of people out there collectively going through the tearing down of their idols. It's like when Kerry lost the election and NYC was just so freaking depressed it was sickening. Not that I wasn't there with them and if I had been allowed to vote, I probably would not have voted for Bush, but come on! But politics isn't my idol, business is. The way my world works is. And because I'm an F of course I feel this one through. I know it was rough letting Lehman go, but in my heart of hearts I was still somewhat loyal to that company and the way it did business and the way the people were. And it was comforting to think that someday I could still get the little green passcard with my picture and name on it and walk around the familiar floors of 745 and eat in the awesome cafeteria. Sometimes I think that's why I'm happy to be a consultant with a red passcard with my picture and name on it, because it has Non-employee on it, like I don't belong to anything and can move around until I can finally get to a company and job that I can feel loyal to. It's weird to think that when my children come to a point like I did in failing to get the job they most wanted, and felt most defined them, I would try to tell my story and they wouldn't even know what Lehman is or what it stood for.

Of course I see God's hand and praise Him for His wisdom and blessing for forcing me to break up with Lehman in a sense. That despite the 6 interviews with major heads and the utter rejection I was given, God was growing me, even in that. And it's rare that one can be shown this so early on, not like years down the road. But the meltdown of Lehman and the buyout of Merrill (both companies I've worked in btw, weird!), affects everyone whether you know it or not. It affects the deal I'm on, which may not happen now. It's the financial version of human brokenness. When one person in a wider community fails so miserably, of course there can be grace given to that person if the community is willing, but a cost is incurred and paid by the community as a whole. Repairing relationships in this way is how we demonstrate God's ultimate grace and love for each of us and all of us. I'm only mentioning this because people think, Oh look at that mess over there! That's weird! and thinks it's far away from them only because they don't understand how connected the world financial markets has become. These were global companies with global implications that will reverberate for decades.

Anyway, there's my rant. And knowing how my friends love me, I know you're wondering what's going through my head, but thanks for reading all that anway.