It is slowly dawning on me that I may not be as bad a writer as I thought. I don't mean that in terms of being able to craft a story, but in a way that I can really communicate what I need to communicate in words. This is more than I can say for my writing in the recent past. I hate to say it, but somehow my Writing the Essay professor was right, it just takes practice to be better at writing. And writing in this blog has definitely allowed for A LOT of practice.
As we all know, I read a lot of blogs on Google Reader. And there are quite a few writers that really bother me, but I keep my subscription because they keep giving me good information. I usually just skim through the bolded titles. I think I prefer it when people are genuine in their writing, and write like they talk. It sucks, because they probably really worked on this long post, but people don't read all of their musings. Because, honestly, who cares about your musings if I don't know you.
On a completely different note, I want to thank Joanna M in this public forum for giving me "The Valley of Vision" at the end of my Sophomore year, even when it wasn't very clear I would even take a liking to it or knew how to use it for myself. Who knew I'd be so into the Puritans only a few years later? It has helped me pray on such a deeper level than I ever could imagine. One prayer in particular has this stanza in it that has really hit home to me what I'm supposed to do in my adult life. It's bolded below.
"Vocation"
"HEAVENLY FATHER,
Thou hast placed me in the church
which thy Son purchased by his own blood.
Add grace to grace that I may live worthy of my vocation.
I am a voyager across life's ocean;
Safe in heaven's ark, may I pass through a troubled world
into the harbour of eternal rest.
I am a tree of the vineyard thou hast planted.
Grant me not to be barren, with worthless leaves and wild grapes;
Prune me of useless branches;
Water me with dews of blessing.
I am part of the Lamb's bride, the church.
Help me to be true, faithful, chaste, loving, pure, devoted;
Let no strong affection wantonly dally with the world.
May I live high above a love of things temporal,
sanctified, cleansed, unblemished, hallowed by grace,
thy love my fullness,
thy glory my joy,
thy precepts my pathway,
thy cross my resting place.
My heart is not always a flame of adoring love,
But, resting in thy Son's redemption,
I look forward to the days of heaven,
where no langour shall oppress,
no iniquities chill,
no mists of unbelief dim the eye,
no zeal ever tires.
Father, these thoughts are the stay, prop, and comfort of my soul."
This prayer by itself really taught me a lot about reliance on Jesus throughout the summer and fall, before I theologically thought it through recently in the last few months. This prayer isn't the only one that has helped me through, but it was one of the more influential ones. It's amazing how much prayer really can capture something true within your heart that's more complex than you think. Truly, prayer allows God to reach down and fill my needs to an even fuller extent than I realize. He's being more loving than I can even fathom.
[Please note that I changed my template. I got tired of the other one.]
Showing posts with label Puritans. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Puritans. Show all posts
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Gah, the Gospel!
I started reading this intro by J.I. Packer for a book of John Owen's, "The Death of Death in the Death of Christ" (haha, yes it makes me giggle). Just read part 1 of it where he talks about the need for the recovery of the Gospel. How people have made the Gospel all about help for man, instead of the fuller description as giving glory to God.
"Accordingly, the themes of man's natural inability to believe, of God's free election being the ultimate cause of salvation, and of Christ dying specifically for his sheep are not preached. These doctrines, it would be said, are not 'helpful'; they would drive sinners to despair, by suggesting to them that it is not in their own power to be saved through Christ. (The possibility that such despair might be salutary is not considered: it is taken for granted that it cannot be, because it is so shattering to our self-esteem.) However this may be (and we shall say more about it later), the result of these omissions is that part of the biblical gospel is now preached as if it were the whole of that gospel; and a half-truth masquerading as the whole truth becomes a complete untruth. Thus, we appeal to men as if they all had the ability to receive Christ at any time; we speak of his redeeming work as if he had make it possible for us to save ourselves by believing; we speak of God's love as if it were no more than a general willingness to receive any who will turn and trust; and we depict the Father and the Son, not as sovereignly active in drawing sinners to themselves, but as waiting in quiet impotence 'at the door of our hearts' for us to let them in."
This thought has been shattering my self-made view of God lately. Yes, you start reading this and you think, well, it's basic belief in sinners saved by grace not by works. But do we really live this way? Do you wake up in complete reliance on Jesus dying for you? Do you really hate sin as evil? Do you really abhor sin or do you just hate the consequences of self-hate and look to the Gospel as a form relief from your suffering, never really letting the redemptive work of Jesus take over and returning to sin over and over again? I've been doing the latter and realized how hard it is to do the former. To be universally sincere in accepting the Gospel as the power of God, not just a help.
Yes, God is always welcoming and always waiting for us to turn, but neither is this our work, but only through the work of the Spirit. God is more than a Help, He is the very power that propels you.
This is how the Gospel is offensive as a intelligent, educated, highly self-sufficient person. It's so unnerving to think that my little attempts to clean myself up only make me dirtier and uglier with indwelling sin. To think that I am totally incapable of making friends without Jesus. To think that I am totally incapable of doing or having any work without the Spirit. To think I can keep it together and be a solid, supportive girlfriend without the Lord. Basically, the idea that I'm not being real about my sins at all, if I don't see their true evil. It sucks, and you almost don't know how to approach a God like that, a God that is so holy that even the very way you praise Him is inadequate and like dirty menstruation rags. Like you never really knew God at all. He makes Himself known, yet He is utterly unknowable. He reveals Himself, but He is unrevealed.
This tension rages on. And I can only pray and meditate feebly, having faith that the Spirit will move, and that God is still with me and for me. That this is still true: "God is mine helper." - Psalms 54:4 and all the truer with the fullness of the Gospel. He infinitely loves me and cherishes my heart and my life because all He sees is Jesus. We can only be justified by faith. And I knew all this from the beginning, but the Gospel just runs deeper and deeper with meaning with every movement and revelation of God. Justification and sanctification should be the same exact thing, a process done daily and throughout my life.
May I always say with joy and gladness: I'm a Christian, can you even believe it?!?!
"Accordingly, the themes of man's natural inability to believe, of God's free election being the ultimate cause of salvation, and of Christ dying specifically for his sheep are not preached. These doctrines, it would be said, are not 'helpful'; they would drive sinners to despair, by suggesting to them that it is not in their own power to be saved through Christ. (The possibility that such despair might be salutary is not considered: it is taken for granted that it cannot be, because it is so shattering to our self-esteem.) However this may be (and we shall say more about it later), the result of these omissions is that part of the biblical gospel is now preached as if it were the whole of that gospel; and a half-truth masquerading as the whole truth becomes a complete untruth. Thus, we appeal to men as if they all had the ability to receive Christ at any time; we speak of his redeeming work as if he had make it possible for us to save ourselves by believing; we speak of God's love as if it were no more than a general willingness to receive any who will turn and trust; and we depict the Father and the Son, not as sovereignly active in drawing sinners to themselves, but as waiting in quiet impotence 'at the door of our hearts' for us to let them in."
This thought has been shattering my self-made view of God lately. Yes, you start reading this and you think, well, it's basic belief in sinners saved by grace not by works. But do we really live this way? Do you wake up in complete reliance on Jesus dying for you? Do you really hate sin as evil? Do you really abhor sin or do you just hate the consequences of self-hate and look to the Gospel as a form relief from your suffering, never really letting the redemptive work of Jesus take over and returning to sin over and over again? I've been doing the latter and realized how hard it is to do the former. To be universally sincere in accepting the Gospel as the power of God, not just a help.
Yes, God is always welcoming and always waiting for us to turn, but neither is this our work, but only through the work of the Spirit. God is more than a Help, He is the very power that propels you.
This is how the Gospel is offensive as a intelligent, educated, highly self-sufficient person. It's so unnerving to think that my little attempts to clean myself up only make me dirtier and uglier with indwelling sin. To think that I am totally incapable of making friends without Jesus. To think that I am totally incapable of doing or having any work without the Spirit. To think I can keep it together and be a solid, supportive girlfriend without the Lord. Basically, the idea that I'm not being real about my sins at all, if I don't see their true evil. It sucks, and you almost don't know how to approach a God like that, a God that is so holy that even the very way you praise Him is inadequate and like dirty menstruation rags. Like you never really knew God at all. He makes Himself known, yet He is utterly unknowable. He reveals Himself, but He is unrevealed.
This tension rages on. And I can only pray and meditate feebly, having faith that the Spirit will move, and that God is still with me and for me. That this is still true: "God is mine helper." - Psalms 54:4 and all the truer with the fullness of the Gospel. He infinitely loves me and cherishes my heart and my life because all He sees is Jesus. We can only be justified by faith. And I knew all this from the beginning, but the Gospel just runs deeper and deeper with meaning with every movement and revelation of God. Justification and sanctification should be the same exact thing, a process done daily and throughout my life.
May I always say with joy and gladness: I'm a Christian, can you even believe it?!?!
Monday, February 9, 2009
"Monday, Monday...I wish it was Sunday"
I've like really hated Mondays. Always threatening me with a headache. Particularly, this Monday I am heavy with thoughts swirling in my head. I could use some prayer, friends.
Ben's been reading "The Mortification of Sin" by John Owen. Ben told me about how Owen emphasizes hating sin and how we don't really hate sin enough. I haven't read it myself, but I have thought about the casual way sin just goes in and out of my life..that's how I can describe it. Like there will be times when a particular lie creeps back into my life and like Eve, I believe it. I don't really think about the destruction, hurt, and cosmic let down sin is, not just to those it affects, but also to God. So in effect, our repentance can be predicated on not truly understanding what we did so wrong, and really just looking for relief from our guilt and shame. I mean, don't get me wrong, I think it's a good place to start, but not understanding sin is like not understanding God at all.
Sigh, yeah just been thinking about that. Will probably start reading John Owen too.
Last Sunday, Tim Keller gave the best sermon I've ever heard on the Gospel. As in a sermon about the Gospel itself, not like a certain aspect of it. I'm so glad I volunteered at the nursery yesterday, because I got the sermon for free ^_^. I might write more about it when I hear it again.
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