I cannot believe it is only Tuesday. I'm battling this headache that has seemed to persist throughout yesterday and today. It tends to ebb and flow though.
Apparently it is really easy to embed a song or even an entire playlist from Lala to Blogger. I'm mucho excited at the possibilities. For you RSS readers out there, come to the site to check it out on the side bar.
I just cannot make friends with the young people I work with. As I sometimes do, I walked out with Christine to the mall today, because she was buying her lunch there. I had brought and already eaten my lunch, so this was purely just to chat a bit. Then we sit at a table with other Business Analysts/Senior Business Analysts we know. I'm never exposed to this crowd anymore. I haven't gone to their frequently scheduled happy hours for several months now. Why? Well, because I don't think I've got anything to talk with them about. All they ever do is make fun of each other and tell stories about their bouts of public drunken tom-foolery. I've really got nothing to add to that. The women also forever talk about the random cute guys they meet at bars or other similar venues. I may know all about being needy and desperate, but I've never been around people who have gone so far as to embrace it as what defines who they are. I just thought most people would be ashamed of it. This annoys me to say the least, and I feel like I have nothing in common with any of them.
Sometimes I think I talk to Christine only because she's pilipina, a commonality strong enough for us to talk about random things. Also, maybe because she's been in a relationship so long, she doesn't go on and on and on about boys and relationships. She's also had more experience and may be more mature in terms of work and life in general.
It's just frustrating that I get along better with the 40-something Joel, talking about the rental market in January and interest rates, than with these people my age. At the very least, it makes me feel like a loner everytime I'm forced to hang out with any of them outside of work. I wish work would be more like The Office sometimes. Maybe that's why I don't like watching it.
I guess I'm just not that person who's character, relationships, community, worth, happiness come from work. And that's a good thing.
Showing posts with label Music. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Music. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
Lala and Idolizing my wedding
So I just signed up for Lala this rival to iTunes, except with a totally different business model and looks to be web-based. You can listen to the entire song once before buying. Also, you can add songs to your collection for 10 cents for unlimited play, and the first 50 are free! You can play it from any browser, which is perfect for me at work! (Until IT gets with it and blocks it). I'm not sure about pricing, but so far "Crazy in Love" by Beyonce is $1.19 and "Rockstar" by Nickelback is $0.79 ^_^. And you can upload all your music onto their site so I could listen to my music at work! Crazy! Of course, like all the newest things, it has a social aspect to it, but I'm assuming I won't have too many friends on there for now.
I've been thinking about shame lately and how that relates to our idols. This wedding is definitely a "near" idol that needs to be destroyed. But I think I never really thought about how insecure we can be with our idols. At least, I've never really applied this thought to my own idol of having the perfect wedding. When we worship anything other than God, we really associate our identity with it. Like if we worship friends or relationships, we morph ourselves to be exactly like our friends just to be cool, neglecting to nurture how God made us uniquely. This is like High School socializing 101! But something in all of us knows, it's not enough for our souls and never will be. So whenever an idol like this is attacked, our very self feels attacked.
Let me apply this to wedding stuff. Whenever someone questions and/or is fairly negative about a decision I made for the wedding, I feel attacked personally. As if that person is not just saying I'm doing everything wrong (which isn't necessarily what they're saying), but I myself am wrong. Beneath this feeling is the feeling of being shamed. Feeling that if my wedding isn't perfect that it's reflective of my shameful self. Why does it shame me? Because it has become my god, I have sacrificed everything for it, and loved it above all things, BUT it does not redeem, love, cherish, protect, strengthen me. It in fact does nothing but give me some human approval, which is rather worthless in the long run. It is not JESUS CHRIST who gave all of Himself for my sins and for the restoration of my beauty and true self, which is something infinitely more valuable and everlasting.
It's taken me awhile to kind of parse through the various feelings and triggers that has been going on the last few weeks. I'm sure there will be more to come. I've been using my control over wedding plans as my savior to try and fight the feelings of shame at the prospect of having a "sub-par" wedding. Really, I must not be like "chaff that the wind blows away" fighting for myself. I must be "like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers." This realization took me a lot longer than it should've, but I love how it didn't take me as long as it used to ^_^. God has been so gracious to me.
"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night." - Psalm 1:1-2
I've been thinking about shame lately and how that relates to our idols. This wedding is definitely a "near" idol that needs to be destroyed. But I think I never really thought about how insecure we can be with our idols. At least, I've never really applied this thought to my own idol of having the perfect wedding. When we worship anything other than God, we really associate our identity with it. Like if we worship friends or relationships, we morph ourselves to be exactly like our friends just to be cool, neglecting to nurture how God made us uniquely. This is like High School socializing 101! But something in all of us knows, it's not enough for our souls and never will be. So whenever an idol like this is attacked, our very self feels attacked.
Let me apply this to wedding stuff. Whenever someone questions and/or is fairly negative about a decision I made for the wedding, I feel attacked personally. As if that person is not just saying I'm doing everything wrong (which isn't necessarily what they're saying), but I myself am wrong. Beneath this feeling is the feeling of being shamed. Feeling that if my wedding isn't perfect that it's reflective of my shameful self. Why does it shame me? Because it has become my god, I have sacrificed everything for it, and loved it above all things, BUT it does not redeem, love, cherish, protect, strengthen me. It in fact does nothing but give me some human approval, which is rather worthless in the long run. It is not JESUS CHRIST who gave all of Himself for my sins and for the restoration of my beauty and true self, which is something infinitely more valuable and everlasting.
It's taken me awhile to kind of parse through the various feelings and triggers that has been going on the last few weeks. I'm sure there will be more to come. I've been using my control over wedding plans as my savior to try and fight the feelings of shame at the prospect of having a "sub-par" wedding. Really, I must not be like "chaff that the wind blows away" fighting for myself. I must be "like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers." This realization took me a lot longer than it should've, but I love how it didn't take me as long as it used to ^_^. God has been so gracious to me.
"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night." - Psalm 1:1-2
Monday, March 30, 2009
Fig Trees
For one reason or another, I hadn't been listening to my iPod while commuting. This past weekend I did that Autofill thing on my Shuffle to get some new songs in there. It had the most uncanny timing this morning.
After I read Spurgeon's morning meditation on the train. I put on the iPod and it was some really good David Crowder which I haven't listened to in awhile. And as I was getting out of my last train and surfacing to the ground, The Northern's "All The Greatest Things" came up, which was really surprising since I really haven't listened to them in months and months. Made crossing the street toward the skyscraper I work in suddenly very dramatic. I forgot this was in there but what struck me today was this line: "We are fruitless fig trees..." Dave puts it in there real quick, but it meant a lot to hear it today.
I've been really feeling useless and fruitless at work. It seems this is the ongoing struggle of this season in my life. My degree, my intelligence, my spiritual depth, my social skills, my insight, all of it is counted as loss, and all of the sudden no one cares what Xaris is doing all day. At school, people would at least judge you for not working hard, but now, they don't even care to know. It's this feeling of continually moving forward in wide steps and growing and changing and maturing and learning, while essentially being exactly where I was 9 months ago. Teehee like a baby! What if I'm never born? I feel so held back. Like I'm stuck in this womb and God won't let me out until His time. It's draining to do nothing with yourself, hoping you're not being foolish. Like you're not doing what you were meant to do. It's kind of like what Jesus says about the fig tree. If it's fruitless, it might as well be dead.
But the greatest truths I've known have been absurd. And as Jesus brings judgment on this tree, he takes the punishment on Himself. He violently tears Himself to pieces for the love of the fruitless. This infinite life-giving fruitful tree does this for me the death-deserving fruitless tree. My complaints are silenced at this thought. I can only be justified by this faith and trust that I am sanctified in this period of angst and waiting.
After I read Spurgeon's morning meditation on the train. I put on the iPod and it was some really good David Crowder which I haven't listened to in awhile. And as I was getting out of my last train and surfacing to the ground, The Northern's "All The Greatest Things" came up, which was really surprising since I really haven't listened to them in months and months. Made crossing the street toward the skyscraper I work in suddenly very dramatic. I forgot this was in there but what struck me today was this line: "We are fruitless fig trees..." Dave puts it in there real quick, but it meant a lot to hear it today.
I've been really feeling useless and fruitless at work. It seems this is the ongoing struggle of this season in my life. My degree, my intelligence, my spiritual depth, my social skills, my insight, all of it is counted as loss, and all of the sudden no one cares what Xaris is doing all day. At school, people would at least judge you for not working hard, but now, they don't even care to know. It's this feeling of continually moving forward in wide steps and growing and changing and maturing and learning, while essentially being exactly where I was 9 months ago. Teehee like a baby! What if I'm never born? I feel so held back. Like I'm stuck in this womb and God won't let me out until His time. It's draining to do nothing with yourself, hoping you're not being foolish. Like you're not doing what you were meant to do. It's kind of like what Jesus says about the fig tree. If it's fruitless, it might as well be dead.
But the greatest truths I've known have been absurd. And as Jesus brings judgment on this tree, he takes the punishment on Himself. He violently tears Himself to pieces for the love of the fruitless. This infinite life-giving fruitful tree does this for me the death-deserving fruitless tree. My complaints are silenced at this thought. I can only be justified by this faith and trust that I am sanctified in this period of angst and waiting.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Love Will Set Me Free
This song is called "Ain't No Reason" but it should be called "Love Will Set Me Free". The song, though obviously really lacking in truth and a bit defeatist, really reminds me of Lamentations. Brett Dennen really likes to throw in random lyrics about pain and suffering and brokenness and isn't always coherent, but he sure has a lot of faith in Love. The way Lamentations is different is it directly talks about God's justice on His people and all this terrible stuff that's going on because of our iniquity. Then randomly, right in the thick of things it starts talking about God's love. It is one of the most jarring passages in the Bible for me.
"Love will set me free, I do believe." - Brett Dennen
Lamentations 3:
19Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness.
20Surely my soul remembers
And is bowed down within me.
21This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.
22The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
23They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
24"The LORD is my portion," says my soul,
"Therefore I have hope in Him."
25The LORD is good to those who wait for Him,
To the person who seeks Him.
26It is good that he waits silently
For the salvation of the LORD.
27It is good for a man that he should bear
The yoke in his youth.
28Let him sit alone and be silent
Since He has laid it on him.
29Let him put his mouth in the dust,
Perhaps there is hope.
30Let him give his cheek to the smiter,
Let him be filled with reproach.
31For the Lord will not reject forever,
32For if He causes grief,
Then He will have compassion
According to His abundant lovingkindness.
33For He does not afflict willingly
Or grieve the sons of men.
But we're living in the New Testament world now! So it's not that Love will set me free, it's that Love (perfect, eternal, and unchanging) has already and forever more set me free! The Love that only Jesus Christ can give me. It's new every morning. Laura B who is the conductor for the Redeemer choir quoted something like, "Isn't it great to wake up in the morning and find that the Lord is still with you?" And it has really struck me every morning since. He is STILL there, after all the wormwood and bitterness. Great is His faithfulness!
Friday, February 6, 2009
Emo-ish Music
For several reasons, I guess certain areas of growth (and non-growth..womp,womp) have been coming to mind more frequently. The last few months I've been thinking about anxiety as a sin. Connected to that, despairing and fear as sin. Sin here being defined as walking away from God, since at any given moment, you are either walking towards or away from Him. Everyone floats somewhere, as Paige Brown said. All these thoughts and feelings of anxiety and despiar are expressed from a loss of belief in God's sovereignty and goodness. Of course it's a given that everyone feels these things, and living in denial of fear is even worse than actually acknowledging it, but I always try to go by the quote at the top of this blog and try to describe and define instead of just praise and dispraise. Anyway, moving on.
I've been anxious all my life and quite prone to despair. It lead to complex behavioral ways of coping, addiction being a main ingredient. But as I continually smack into the reality of God, the truth of His love and salvation has molded me into something a bit more like what I should be.
Music has played a major role in my understanding of this process. Being the deep feeler that I am, I like to listen to emotionally charged music.
Like Nicole Nordeman - "Anyway" :
"Every layer of mine hides a lovely design, it might take a little patience, it might take a little time, but you called me BEAUTIFUL, when you saw my shame. And you placed me on the wall, anyway."
I thought a lot about surrender my Freshman year, since it was clearly what I had to do. And I was finding the joy and healing in the pain of being utterly gross, but not held responsible for it.
Mute Math "Control":
"There's no better loss than to lose myself in you."
"Take control of the atmosphere, there is no reason I should breathe, unless you're in the air."
Then I started to realize that there's more to it than what it means for me. The beauty of justification and sanctification is it's more than just making me better, it's making me better for human flourishing for the Glory of God. But what does a loss of control really mean then if it's not just skydiving into an oblivion, but becoming Christ-like and engaging in the world? You can lose control in a lot of ways, and all equally destructive, but there's only one way that leads to life.
Everyone knows the ubiquitous Spiderman 2 theme song from Dashboard Confessional - "Vindicated"
"Slip away against the current."
Much like the Spiderman movie, true salvation is more than self-redemption but world redemption. Everything is not just going to be right with you, but also with this world that God has created; and we as the Church have something to do with that Kingdom work.
It's amazing how I listened to these songs so much a few years ago, to comfort my despairing heart. But it's getting easier to see the truth that I shouldn't even be worried at all. That there are so many reasons in Christ to be hopeful always.
Here's a quote from Brothers Karamazov. The "elder" is speaking to this woman filled with guilt and fear: "Don't be afraid of anything, ever. And do not grieve. As long as your repentance does not weaken, God will forgive everything. There is not - there cannot be - a sin on earth that God will not forgive the truly repentant. Why, a man cannot a sin so great as to exhaust the infinite love of God. How could there be a sin that would surpass the love of God? Think only of repentance, all the time, and drive away all fear. Have faith that God loves you, sinful as you are and, indeed, because of your sin. It was said long ago that there is more joy in heaven over one repentant sinner than over ten righteous men. Go now, and fear nothing. Do not be offended if people treat you badly. Do not hold it against them. And forgive your departed husband all the harm he did you. Become truly reconciled with him. For if you repent, you love, and if you love, you are with God. Love redeems and saves everything...Love is such an infinite treasure it can buy the whole world and can redeem not only your sins, but the sins of all people. So go and fear no more." FEAR NO MORE!
I've mentioned how much I love Brett Dennen - "Darlin' Do Not Fear"
"The confidence is full as your faith etched in stone
and neither could comfort you from the wild unknown
So bury your burning hatred like a hatchet in the snow
Darlin' do not fear what you don't really know.
If you have a broken heart or a battered soul
Find something to hold on to or to let go
to help you through the hard nights like a flask filled with hope
Darlin' do not fear what you don't really know
'cause it won't last - your worries will pass" --> Damn, this whole song is quotable.
"I fear no evil, for you are with me. Strong to deliver, mighty to save." - Got this from a song too, but it's in the Psalms right?
Yet again, I think reading this post can make peopel think it's a hodge-podge. But really it's all about finding happiness, hope, love, and peace in the abounding grace of God. At the Redeemer interview I was reminded over and over about my name and what it means. And how it's what I should be giving to other people, Xaris (grace, that which gives joy), me becoming my true self in Jesus.
It would be overwhelming, if not for xaris being given to me. I've always wanted to do a post like this with a sprinkling of songs that have changed my life, and have grown me and shown me the truth in the Gospel. And it's always good to not hide from where you've been and to see the power and glory of God already shown in you.
"You've come far and though you're far from the end, you don't mind where you are 'cause you know where you've been." - Carbon Leaf - "Let Your Troubles Roll By"
I've been anxious all my life and quite prone to despair. It lead to complex behavioral ways of coping, addiction being a main ingredient. But as I continually smack into the reality of God, the truth of His love and salvation has molded me into something a bit more like what I should be.
Music has played a major role in my understanding of this process. Being the deep feeler that I am, I like to listen to emotionally charged music.
Like Nicole Nordeman - "Anyway" :
"Every layer of mine hides a lovely design, it might take a little patience, it might take a little time, but you called me BEAUTIFUL, when you saw my shame. And you placed me on the wall, anyway."
I thought a lot about surrender my Freshman year, since it was clearly what I had to do. And I was finding the joy and healing in the pain of being utterly gross, but not held responsible for it.
Mute Math "Control":
"There's no better loss than to lose myself in you."
"Take control of the atmosphere, there is no reason I should breathe, unless you're in the air."
Then I started to realize that there's more to it than what it means for me. The beauty of justification and sanctification is it's more than just making me better, it's making me better for human flourishing for the Glory of God. But what does a loss of control really mean then if it's not just skydiving into an oblivion, but becoming Christ-like and engaging in the world? You can lose control in a lot of ways, and all equally destructive, but there's only one way that leads to life.
Everyone knows the ubiquitous Spiderman 2 theme song from Dashboard Confessional - "Vindicated"
"Slip away against the current."
Much like the Spiderman movie, true salvation is more than self-redemption but world redemption. Everything is not just going to be right with you, but also with this world that God has created; and we as the Church have something to do with that Kingdom work.
It's amazing how I listened to these songs so much a few years ago, to comfort my despairing heart. But it's getting easier to see the truth that I shouldn't even be worried at all. That there are so many reasons in Christ to be hopeful always.
Here's a quote from Brothers Karamazov. The "elder" is speaking to this woman filled with guilt and fear: "Don't be afraid of anything, ever. And do not grieve. As long as your repentance does not weaken, God will forgive everything. There is not - there cannot be - a sin on earth that God will not forgive the truly repentant. Why, a man cannot a sin so great as to exhaust the infinite love of God. How could there be a sin that would surpass the love of God? Think only of repentance, all the time, and drive away all fear. Have faith that God loves you, sinful as you are and, indeed, because of your sin. It was said long ago that there is more joy in heaven over one repentant sinner than over ten righteous men. Go now, and fear nothing. Do not be offended if people treat you badly. Do not hold it against them. And forgive your departed husband all the harm he did you. Become truly reconciled with him. For if you repent, you love, and if you love, you are with God. Love redeems and saves everything...Love is such an infinite treasure it can buy the whole world and can redeem not only your sins, but the sins of all people. So go and fear no more." FEAR NO MORE!
I've mentioned how much I love Brett Dennen - "Darlin' Do Not Fear"
"The confidence is full as your faith etched in stone
and neither could comfort you from the wild unknown
So bury your burning hatred like a hatchet in the snow
Darlin' do not fear what you don't really know.
If you have a broken heart or a battered soul
Find something to hold on to or to let go
to help you through the hard nights like a flask filled with hope
Darlin' do not fear what you don't really know
'cause it won't last - your worries will pass" --> Damn, this whole song is quotable.
"I fear no evil, for you are with me. Strong to deliver, mighty to save." - Got this from a song too, but it's in the Psalms right?
Yet again, I think reading this post can make peopel think it's a hodge-podge. But really it's all about finding happiness, hope, love, and peace in the abounding grace of God. At the Redeemer interview I was reminded over and over about my name and what it means. And how it's what I should be giving to other people, Xaris (grace, that which gives joy), me becoming my true self in Jesus.
It would be overwhelming, if not for xaris being given to me. I've always wanted to do a post like this with a sprinkling of songs that have changed my life, and have grown me and shown me the truth in the Gospel. And it's always good to not hide from where you've been and to see the power and glory of God already shown in you.
"You've come far and though you're far from the end, you don't mind where you are 'cause you know where you've been." - Carbon Leaf - "Let Your Troubles Roll By"
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Good Finance
I opened a Roth IRA today!! SWEET!! I'm so excited. I'm unsure as to how to invest it, but I've at least set up an automatic transfer. It might sit in cash for awhile or maybe I'll just be impulsive and get a Target Retirement Fund...hmm. Maybe I should just give those Schwab people a call.
I remembered another reason I'm looking forward to going home is showing my mom all the neat things I've learned and how I manage my money. (Perhaps my father and brother as well, if they would like). Also, coming up to year-end, this will be the first file that I have an entire year for (I started the current format in July 2007). I'm excited for all the ways I can manipulate this data. I could probably make my own annual report if I wanted to and put pictures in it and graphs and charts (haha). This also means I can clear out all the accounts I closed and can start with a clean slate.
I guess what I'm really saying is it's nice to know that things can change for the better (cue For Good, just for some pinoy fun).
I remembered another reason I'm looking forward to going home is showing my mom all the neat things I've learned and how I manage my money. (Perhaps my father and brother as well, if they would like). Also, coming up to year-end, this will be the first file that I have an entire year for (I started the current format in July 2007). I'm excited for all the ways I can manipulate this data. I could probably make my own annual report if I wanted to and put pictures in it and graphs and charts (haha). This also means I can clear out all the accounts I closed and can start with a clean slate.
I guess what I'm really saying is it's nice to know that things can change for the better (cue For Good, just for some pinoy fun).
Monday, December 8, 2008
Theme Songs
There are a lot of parallels between now and 4 years ago, I think. It's almost designed that way when you go to college and graduate and get a job. One I thought was kind of interesting to point out was my choice of theme songs. You know, like how TV shows have that one theme song that never changes because it encompasses a lot of the ongoing themes of the show. I think people should definitely have theme songs for different seasons of life. For my freshman year, it was definitely Kelly Clarkson's Breakaway, for the most obvious reasons. Note that she was an American Idol and this song was popular at the time. It just felt really right.
Now, in this recent grad situation I'm in, it's Jordan Sparks's One Step At A Time. Also from an American Idol and also has been pretty popular. Maybe it's because American Idol winners and the like are encouraged to have these kind of hopeful, making a change kind of songs since that's literally what America has seen them do, so a song celebrating that is automatically going to be popular. It's very marketable.
So yes, of course I'm going to find songs like this, because young people like to sing and hear about songs that talk about how hard and frustrating it can be to be young and unestablished, with no cred whatsoever. But it doesn't make it less magical to find that one song that just expresses so much about where you're at. It's like you're thinking about something, and all of a sudden this person who has nothing to do with you and is thousands of miles away starts expressing your exact feelings in a way you understand and completely relate to. It's like a Tim Keller sermon. It's so deeply affirming.
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Disney
So the past weeks or so I haven't been listening to my iPod. Not for any sense of unplugging really, just because the little squishy thing on one of my ear buds has gone missing (AGAIN) and I would just rather go without than try to figure out where the replacement is at home.
Oddly enough, this has caused more Disney songs to play over and over again in my head (really the question is, how did I memorize all these songs?). Namely from Pocahontas and Hunchback. I think Pocahontas was seriously underrated. I particularly like "Just Around the Riverbend" - "Why do all my dreams extend just around the riverbend?" "Is all my dreaming at an end, or do you still wait for me Dreamgiver, just around the riverbend?" - I can't believe I learned this on the piano once. So fast!
Today, I was thinking of "Out There" - "Out there, strolling by the Seine, taste the morning out there, like ordinary men." "I swear I'll be content with my share, no regret, won't resent, old and bent, I won't care, I'd have spent one day out there." and "Heaven's Light" - "As I ring these bells tonight, my cold dark tower seems so bright, I swear it must be heaven's light."
I don't really have a point, except that Disney songs are beautiful.
Oddly enough, this has caused more Disney songs to play over and over again in my head (really the question is, how did I memorize all these songs?). Namely from Pocahontas and Hunchback. I think Pocahontas was seriously underrated. I particularly like "Just Around the Riverbend" - "Why do all my dreams extend just around the riverbend?" "Is all my dreaming at an end, or do you still wait for me Dreamgiver, just around the riverbend?" - I can't believe I learned this on the piano once. So fast!
Today, I was thinking of "Out There" - "Out there, strolling by the Seine, taste the morning out there, like ordinary men." "I swear I'll be content with my share, no regret, won't resent, old and bent, I won't care, I'd have spent one day out there." and "Heaven's Light" - "As I ring these bells tonight, my cold dark tower seems so bright, I swear it must be heaven's light."
I don't really have a point, except that Disney songs are beautiful.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Idina Menzel
I went to an Idina Menzel concert last night with Ben and Charlie in New Jersey. I'm not a big fan of her (nor of Rent, blech!), but really I went to see Chris Mann who opened for her (Ben's sister's friend who has a record deal with Sony). You (yes, YOU) should really check him out, he has quite a beautiful voice, and overall was a pretty nice guy.
I must admit though, seeing Idina made me want to see Wicked again. I've seen it only once 4 years ago, on my birthday (I tell you great things happen on my birthday). I wasn't obsessed with it and hadn't heard the music until I saw the show. Neither am I obsessed with it now, I just think it'd be nice to see again. It makes me wish I was still working around Times Square, and I could just do the lottery everyday until I won.
Idina was pretty funny to watch, she's not a very genuine person. It was also weird to sit with all those people who are infatuated with her. I don't get it. I guess I just don't relate to her. Anyway, it was fun and different. We even stopped by the Jersey Gardens Mall where they already have a Santa Claus taking requests.
I must admit though, seeing Idina made me want to see Wicked again. I've seen it only once 4 years ago, on my birthday (I tell you great things happen on my birthday). I wasn't obsessed with it and hadn't heard the music until I saw the show. Neither am I obsessed with it now, I just think it'd be nice to see again. It makes me wish I was still working around Times Square, and I could just do the lottery everyday until I won.
Idina was pretty funny to watch, she's not a very genuine person. It was also weird to sit with all those people who are infatuated with her. I don't get it. I guess I just don't relate to her. Anyway, it was fun and different. We even stopped by the Jersey Gardens Mall where they already have a Santa Claus taking requests.
Friday, October 31, 2008
The Importance of Music
Been listening to a lot of Coldplay recently (well my iPod keeps "shuffling" to it).
From "White Shadows"
"Maybe you get what you wanted
Maybe you stumbled upon it
Everything you ever wanted
In a permanent state
Maybe you'll know when you see it
Maybe if you say it, you'll mean it
And when you find it, you keep it
In a permanent state
A permanent state"
Just feeling and digging that a lot right now. Music can be so much more effective at explaining and feeling than spoken words.
I've been feeling rather musical this week. I'm starting to really miss my voice lessons I think. In the cramped practice rooms of Steinhardt, there was a freedom to perform without feeling like an idiot, because only Megan R, who has heard every part of my voice, was respectfully judging. (Btw, I am a major fan of this woman, she is one of the best people I know) And when Edward started playing for me, it was also great, because I knew his judgments were also based on reality. I'm not a fantastic singer, but I like to use what I've been given once and awhile. I don't sing for others though, I sing for myself and the Lord.
Most people know that when I was growing up, I sort of idolized Lea Salonga. Being the kind of dreamer I am, I would secretly want to be her, but never put anything towards such aspirations. She was just so talented, doing concerts and musicals throughout the world meanwhile totally keeping her down-to-earth attitude and sweet heart. My parents have a VHS of this concert she did in the Philippines, even after all her success and everything, she was still the same cute girl, speaking in polite Tagalog, singing Pilipino songs as well as American songs. I think she's just a high class kind of person.
From "White Shadows"
"Maybe you get what you wanted
Maybe you stumbled upon it
Everything you ever wanted
In a permanent state
Maybe you'll know when you see it
Maybe if you say it, you'll mean it
And when you find it, you keep it
In a permanent state
A permanent state"
Just feeling and digging that a lot right now. Music can be so much more effective at explaining and feeling than spoken words.
I've been feeling rather musical this week. I'm starting to really miss my voice lessons I think. In the cramped practice rooms of Steinhardt, there was a freedom to perform without feeling like an idiot, because only Megan R, who has heard every part of my voice, was respectfully judging. (Btw, I am a major fan of this woman, she is one of the best people I know) And when Edward started playing for me, it was also great, because I knew his judgments were also based on reality. I'm not a fantastic singer, but I like to use what I've been given once and awhile. I don't sing for others though, I sing for myself and the Lord.
Most people know that when I was growing up, I sort of idolized Lea Salonga. Being the kind of dreamer I am, I would secretly want to be her, but never put anything towards such aspirations. She was just so talented, doing concerts and musicals throughout the world meanwhile totally keeping her down-to-earth attitude and sweet heart. My parents have a VHS of this concert she did in the Philippines, even after all her success and everything, she was still the same cute girl, speaking in polite Tagalog, singing Pilipino songs as well as American songs. I think she's just a high class kind of person.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Grace Covers Shame
Of course the name of this blog is not an uncommon part of Christianese, but I wanted to mention the song that inspired me to use it. Watermark is this band made up of a cute married couple, with really deep lyrics and playful music. I wish I could sing their songs in worship. Like many other artists, my brother introduced me to them (he became an American citizen on Tuesday btw). The song is from The Purest Place album.
"You Come As You Are"
I lay me down at Your feet my Jesus
Find me here with a heart that's pure
I am raised up in the love You pour on me
The moment I believe...
I lay me down at Your feet my Jesus
Find me here with a life like Yours
I am raised up in pow'r that sets me free
The moment I believe The moment I believe
Chorus:
(that) You come as You are And I come as I am
And grace covers shame
You come in Your pow'r And I bow down
And grace covers shame
You come like a flood and I'm lost in this "Hallelujah!"
You come as You are and I come as I am
And grace covers all of me... All of me...
I lay me down at Your feet my Master
Find me here with the grace to know
That I am raised up in the perfect love of God
The moment I believe The moment I believe
Chorus
Bridge:
I am laid broken Lord I am open
Breathe in me
And this by design Is Your life divine Living in me...
You come as You are...
I come as I am
You come in Your power And I bow down
Chorus
There are times when I just feel like shouting Hallelujah, Rejoice, or Praise the Lord, but often than not I don't. It seems to happen in the times when I feel desperate, or someone who is speaking to me sounds desperate, and I just wanna yell it to their face, as if it would make it more true in our hearts. Well, it probably wouldn't hurt, but Scripture is better.
"God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" -Numbers 23:19
"You Come As You Are"
I lay me down at Your feet my Jesus
Find me here with a heart that's pure
I am raised up in the love You pour on me
The moment I believe...
I lay me down at Your feet my Jesus
Find me here with a life like Yours
I am raised up in pow'r that sets me free
The moment I believe The moment I believe
Chorus:
(that) You come as You are And I come as I am
And grace covers shame
You come in Your pow'r And I bow down
And grace covers shame
You come like a flood and I'm lost in this "Hallelujah!"
You come as You are and I come as I am
And grace covers all of me... All of me...
I lay me down at Your feet my Master
Find me here with the grace to know
That I am raised up in the perfect love of God
The moment I believe The moment I believe
Chorus
Bridge:
I am laid broken Lord I am open
Breathe in me
And this by design Is Your life divine Living in me...
You come as You are...
I come as I am
You come in Your power And I bow down
Chorus
There are times when I just feel like shouting Hallelujah, Rejoice, or Praise the Lord, but often than not I don't. It seems to happen in the times when I feel desperate, or someone who is speaking to me sounds desperate, and I just wanna yell it to their face, as if it would make it more true in our hearts. Well, it probably wouldn't hurt, but Scripture is better.
"God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" -Numbers 23:19
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Raindrops keep falling on my head
I reloaded my ancient iPod mini recently (GASP! I know...it had been a few years). I put in what my brother had jokingly given me, which was a Burt Bacharach CD (together with Philharmonic renditions of Red Hot Chili Peppers songs, Brandi Carlile and Brett Dennen (I love him!) albums, and a Motown era album). My brother is a sound designer, he's pretty well listened ^_^. But really, it wasn't a joke, because our entire family loves Burt Bacharach. I grew up with such eclectic music, it's pretty hard for me to hate on any of it. There's a time and place for every type I think.
It's weird though, because before, my iPod was overridden by all this emo stuff which was new to me freshman year: Dashboard, Death Cab, Carbon Leaf, Coldplay, Decemberists even Simon and Garfunkel and Joni Mitchell can be counted as such. Not that they're completely taken out, it's just not as much in there.
So getting out the door this morning to such a happy song as "Rain drops keep falling on my head, but that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning red, no not for me, cause, I ain't gonna stop the rain by complaining. Because I'm freeeeeeee..nothing's worrying meeeeee" is kinda a nice surprise.
Andrea was very affirming last night. Perhaps the most affirming thing I've heard in months, mainly because it's coming from someone who knows all the minor details. It's always an amazing experience to hear someone say with authority something like, You know that thing you've been trying to do, you're doing it very well. You're going the right direction. You're being healthy. Eyes wide open and walking in faith.
That's just friggin' nice to hear once and awhile.
It's weird though, because before, my iPod was overridden by all this emo stuff which was new to me freshman year: Dashboard, Death Cab, Carbon Leaf, Coldplay, Decemberists even Simon and Garfunkel and Joni Mitchell can be counted as such. Not that they're completely taken out, it's just not as much in there.
So getting out the door this morning to such a happy song as "Rain drops keep falling on my head, but that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning red, no not for me, cause, I ain't gonna stop the rain by complaining. Because I'm freeeeeeee..nothing's worrying meeeeee" is kinda a nice surprise.
Andrea was very affirming last night. Perhaps the most affirming thing I've heard in months, mainly because it's coming from someone who knows all the minor details. It's always an amazing experience to hear someone say with authority something like, You know that thing you've been trying to do, you're doing it very well. You're going the right direction. You're being healthy. Eyes wide open and walking in faith.
That's just friggin' nice to hear once and awhile.
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