Lala and Idolizing my wedding

So I just signed up for Lala this rival to iTunes, except with a totally different business model and looks to be web-based. You can listen to the entire song once before buying. Also, you can add songs to your collection for 10 cents for unlimited play, and the first 50 are free! You can play it from any browser, which is perfect for me at work! (Until IT gets with it and blocks it). I'm not sure about pricing, but so far "Crazy in Love" by Beyonce is $1.19 and "Rockstar" by Nickelback is $0.79 ^_^. And you can upload all your music onto their site so I could listen to my music at work! Crazy! Of course, like all the newest things, it has a social aspect to it, but I'm assuming I won't have too many friends on there for now.

I've been thinking about shame lately and how that relates to our idols. This wedding is definitely a "near" idol that needs to be destroyed. But I think I never really thought about how insecure we can be with our idols. At least, I've never really applied this thought to my own idol of having the perfect wedding. When we worship anything other than God, we really associate our identity with it. Like if we worship friends or relationships, we morph ourselves to be exactly like our friends just to be cool, neglecting to nurture how God made us uniquely. This is like High School socializing 101! But something in all of us knows, it's not enough for our souls and never will be. So whenever an idol like this is attacked, our very self feels attacked.

Let me apply this to wedding stuff. Whenever someone questions and/or is fairly negative about a decision I made for the wedding, I feel attacked personally. As if that person is not just saying I'm doing everything wrong (which isn't necessarily what they're saying), but I myself am wrong. Beneath this feeling is the feeling of being shamed. Feeling that if my wedding isn't perfect that it's reflective of my shameful self. Why does it shame me? Because it has become my god, I have sacrificed everything for it, and loved it above all things, BUT it does not redeem, love, cherish, protect, strengthen me. It in fact does nothing but give me some human approval, which is rather worthless in the long run. It is not JESUS CHRIST who gave all of Himself for my sins and for the restoration of my beauty and true self, which is something infinitely more valuable and everlasting.

It's taken me awhile to kind of parse through the various feelings and triggers that has been going on the last few weeks. I'm sure there will be more to come. I've been using my control over wedding plans as my savior to try and fight the feelings of shame at the prospect of having a "sub-par" wedding. Really, I must not be like "chaff that the wind blows away" fighting for myself. I must be "like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers." This realization took me a lot longer than it should've, but I love how it didn't take me as long as it used to ^_^. God has been so gracious to me.

"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night." - Psalm 1:1-2