Transition Remix

I realized that I may need to start forcing myself to write again. Work has just gotten slower and slower and I'm unable to find an anchor. PLUS, I realized (and this may make me sound stupid by how obvious it is) that I'm undergoing yet another huge transition cleaving more and more to Benjamin. AND, it's May again.

Last year, I was really stressed out about my family coming to New York and meeting Ben for the first time, getting all this attention, attention, attention from a large family, and generally getting ready for graduation itself to be a let down...and it was. It was not fun for me and seemed not really the way I would've wished to finish off 4 of the most important years of my life. I felt rather alone, lost and off-kilter.

Engagement is obviously something I joyously looked forward to and hoped for and differently so than Graduation. Though, I don't think I thought about Engagement as much as Graduation in terms of what this would actually look like, feel like, seem like. Confusion and being lost comes with every transition in varying degrees. I am so confused that I think I have to remind myself that it's completely normal to be confused. It's completely normal to be so happy yet anxious at the same time. That this is a GI-normous deal and whether I know it or not, I am dealing with a lot. I am in need of so much grace. I've been getting really good at making myself feel guilty these last couple months, but the penalty for my sin has already been fulfilled, and I must surrender.

Like always, I need to figure out how I'm not relying on Jesus. That's just a lot harder when I'm finding new footing in general.