I think Kirkland Signature Chocolate Chunk Cookies from CostCo are probably my favorite cookies EVER! It's the right kind of soft and it lasts like that, it's not like it's only good when it first gets out of the oven. One cookie, however, is 210 calories. Probably 2/3 of the calories I burn when I do my Jane Fonda video. This makes me very sad. It's a good thing I don't make it to CostCo that often since apparently I have to spend at least $100 when I go there (~$230 when I went there with Murph last weekend). There is no such thing as a quick CostCo run.
I was looking at my LinkedIn profile today (because I like to Google myself, probably waaaaay too much). And realized that I've been working for 9 months, today. I'm not sure how to commemorate that, but it feels like an accomplishment. I wonder if it's because I'm a woman.
It truly amazes me how complicated I've made my financial life, that if I were to die, whoever is dealing with my stuff will have a difficult time figuring it out...unless you knew my passwords. Then it would be slightly better since most of it is compiled and recorded someplace.
I hate that WSJ has added Sports coverage...actually I just hate that they feel the need to deface the front page with this announcement, who cares if they added it or not?!
There are advantages to working in a French bank. 1)Things aren't melting down all over the place. I feel highly insulated from any "bad bank" fears. 2)A man was just walking past an office and said "Bonjour" to his French friend. And it made me think of the beginning of Beauty and the Beast. Then I briefly sang the song to myself as I pretended to be Belle.
I'm really looking forward to my car being paid off in June. Then the Title will be given solely to me (my mama is on it with me now) then I can have NY plates.
I know my hair would look better if I blow-dried it....but I haven't done that regularly in 5 years and am not about to start up again.
I'm not sure what my love languages are anymore. Haven't had to think about it in a long time. I think it's because I've been more specific as of late, and have not found the generalizations as useful as before. Is it possible to graduate from the basics?
Dave likes to call me "The Mayor" becomes I seem to know a lot of people. That's only because I've been on this project since the beginning. I think back to July when we were having meeting after meeting with these people, and I struggled to figure out who everyone was. ESPECIALLY, when they would be just some voice on a conference call. I realize now how important it was for me to follow John around those first few weeks. Now, someone will ask me where so-and-so sits and I can usually tell them or at least figure out who to ask. I like to know everything that's going on. It's a strength of mine to find the connections between things and I enjoy doing it.
Showing posts with label time. Show all posts
Showing posts with label time. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
Dostoevsky leaves me in a weird mood
So I started thinking about business school today. I started thinking about how fun it would be to get an MBA. I looked it up on the Stern site and it looks like a pretty easy application (need to round up some recommendations, but hopefully that would be naturally accumulated while I'm working through the years). They have this super flexible program (you can finish the program weeknights or Saturdays) that can be done anywhere from 2 to 6 years, 60 credits. It would cost around $90,000 overall I think. It just sounds cool too. I'm not always entirely sure of the reasons why I would do such a thing, but I'm told you'll know when it just makes sense to do that. I looked at the curriculum and of course it had very similar names to all my Stern core classes. That'd be pretty wild to go back to again. Maybe it'll be easier, or even better taught considering the well known, nobel laureate profs who teach the grad school level.
I've been thinking about goals too. I need to write up some goals for myself at work, pertaining to the next 6 months (until the mid-year review). I haven't even started at all. It's pretty scary to be kept accountable like that. What was interesting about the Stern application was the whole idea of writing about what my short-term and long-term goals were and how an part-time MBA would help me get there.
I used to have some substantial goals. At least, I think I did. It's weird not to have any...well, it's weird to be faced with the fact that people expect me to have goals and find that I don't have much. I guess, sometimes I fear my resume doesn't really match my personality or my priorities. I just like business, theology, having fun, cute things. I'm not out to change the world in any particular way, though I imagine that would happen somewhat, just because I serve God.
When I came back home from vacation, I went to Jersey to pick up my car. This usually involves a quick hello/goodbye with uncles, but my aunt happened to be the only person available for me to pick up the keys and of course she wanted to feed me and talk to me. She's really easy to talk to and has had an interesting life. She used to be a head nurse for critical care (like emergency room stuff), then she retired and started working in the IT/Compliance sphere of financial institutions.
Anyway, we naturally started talking about Ben. She said, "That's going to take a loooong time, honey. He won't be a doctor for 10 years"...blah, blah, blah. I found it interesting that 1)She felt that was somehow connected to me, when I'm obviously not the one in med school and 2)That this fact would matter and that I bemoan the idea. I guess this particular view of life (a view my mother shares I found) just catches me off guard. The view that there is a particular time and place and situation in life when you've finally arrived. When it's finally all done.
I guess I feel this way because I've very, very recently gone through a place in life where that was supposed to be the case ("Now, I'm an adult." "Now, I am financially independent."). So don't get me wrong, I understand where this is coming from, and have definitely thought that finishing school was connected to "arriving". But I just want to point out how silly this is if you're a Christian. I couldn't help thinking, why should it matter how long something takes? Most especially if it's something you can't even control. Actually, we can't really control most things.
I just think about my own life and how young I am and how much will be happening in the next 60 years or so (or shorter...the Pauline in me is rooting for shorter). I'm under the impression that if things are gonna take that long, then I shouldn't be so worried about where I'll be and how long it takes because I know God is with me and that I am with Him. You know, "Tomorrow will worry about itself" kind of stuff.
Of course, I think about decisions I'm going to have to make, etc. Hopefully, ya'll know me well enough to know how seriously I do take life and doing the 1 John walking in the light things. But whatever decision I make and however much I screw up or succeed, there is so much to be grateful for and be happy about.
So I've started reading The Brothers Karamazov (finally!) and been loving it. Good quote that has guided this post:
"Even if it is not given to you to achieve happiness, you must always remember that you are on the right path and you must try not to stray from it. Above all, avoid lying, especially lying to yourself. Keep watching out for your lies, watch for them every hour, every minute. Also avoid disgust, both for others and for yourself: whatever strikes you as disgusting within yourself is cleansed by the mere fact that you notice it. Avoid fear too, although fear is really only a consequence of lies. Never be afraid of your petty selfishness when you try to achieve love, and don't be too alarmed if you act badly on occasion. I'm sorry I cannot tell you anything more reassuring. A true act of love, unlike imaginary love, is hard and forbidding. Imaginary love yearns for an immediate heroic act that is achieved quickly and seen by everyone. People may actually reach a point where they are willing to sacrifice their lives, as long as the ordeal doesn't last too long, is quickly over - just like on the stage, with the public watching and admiring. A true act of love, on the other hand requires hard work and patience, and, for some, it is a whole way of life. But I predict that at the very moment when you see despairingly that, despite all your efforts, you have not only failed to come closer to your goal but, indeed, seem even farther from it than ever - at that very moment, you will have achieved your goal and will recognize the miraculous power of our Lord, who has always loved you and has secretly guided you along."
I like how he says, "I'm sorry I cannot tell you anything more reassuring" and then continues on with the real spiritual meat. What could be more reassuring than God's unconditional love?!?! Tell me, WHAT?!
Me and some peeps are off to the Redeemer Winter Getaway this weekend. Hurrah! I hope I won't freeze to death and that the roads are clear.
I've been thinking about goals too. I need to write up some goals for myself at work, pertaining to the next 6 months (until the mid-year review). I haven't even started at all. It's pretty scary to be kept accountable like that. What was interesting about the Stern application was the whole idea of writing about what my short-term and long-term goals were and how an part-time MBA would help me get there.
I used to have some substantial goals. At least, I think I did. It's weird not to have any...well, it's weird to be faced with the fact that people expect me to have goals and find that I don't have much. I guess, sometimes I fear my resume doesn't really match my personality or my priorities. I just like business, theology, having fun, cute things. I'm not out to change the world in any particular way, though I imagine that would happen somewhat, just because I serve God.
When I came back home from vacation, I went to Jersey to pick up my car. This usually involves a quick hello/goodbye with uncles, but my aunt happened to be the only person available for me to pick up the keys and of course she wanted to feed me and talk to me. She's really easy to talk to and has had an interesting life. She used to be a head nurse for critical care (like emergency room stuff), then she retired and started working in the IT/Compliance sphere of financial institutions.
Anyway, we naturally started talking about Ben. She said, "That's going to take a loooong time, honey. He won't be a doctor for 10 years"...blah, blah, blah. I found it interesting that 1)She felt that was somehow connected to me, when I'm obviously not the one in med school and 2)That this fact would matter and that I bemoan the idea. I guess this particular view of life (a view my mother shares I found) just catches me off guard. The view that there is a particular time and place and situation in life when you've finally arrived. When it's finally all done.
I guess I feel this way because I've very, very recently gone through a place in life where that was supposed to be the case ("Now, I'm an adult." "Now, I am financially independent."). So don't get me wrong, I understand where this is coming from, and have definitely thought that finishing school was connected to "arriving". But I just want to point out how silly this is if you're a Christian. I couldn't help thinking, why should it matter how long something takes? Most especially if it's something you can't even control. Actually, we can't really control most things.
I just think about my own life and how young I am and how much will be happening in the next 60 years or so (or shorter...the Pauline in me is rooting for shorter). I'm under the impression that if things are gonna take that long, then I shouldn't be so worried about where I'll be and how long it takes because I know God is with me and that I am with Him. You know, "Tomorrow will worry about itself" kind of stuff.
Of course, I think about decisions I'm going to have to make, etc. Hopefully, ya'll know me well enough to know how seriously I do take life and doing the 1 John walking in the light things. But whatever decision I make and however much I screw up or succeed, there is so much to be grateful for and be happy about.
So I've started reading The Brothers Karamazov (finally!) and been loving it. Good quote that has guided this post:
"Even if it is not given to you to achieve happiness, you must always remember that you are on the right path and you must try not to stray from it. Above all, avoid lying, especially lying to yourself. Keep watching out for your lies, watch for them every hour, every minute. Also avoid disgust, both for others and for yourself: whatever strikes you as disgusting within yourself is cleansed by the mere fact that you notice it. Avoid fear too, although fear is really only a consequence of lies. Never be afraid of your petty selfishness when you try to achieve love, and don't be too alarmed if you act badly on occasion. I'm sorry I cannot tell you anything more reassuring. A true act of love, unlike imaginary love, is hard and forbidding. Imaginary love yearns for an immediate heroic act that is achieved quickly and seen by everyone. People may actually reach a point where they are willing to sacrifice their lives, as long as the ordeal doesn't last too long, is quickly over - just like on the stage, with the public watching and admiring. A true act of love, on the other hand requires hard work and patience, and, for some, it is a whole way of life. But I predict that at the very moment when you see despairingly that, despite all your efforts, you have not only failed to come closer to your goal but, indeed, seem even farther from it than ever - at that very moment, you will have achieved your goal and will recognize the miraculous power of our Lord, who has always loved you and has secretly guided you along."
I like how he says, "I'm sorry I cannot tell you anything more reassuring" and then continues on with the real spiritual meat. What could be more reassuring than God's unconditional love?!?! Tell me, WHAT?!
Me and some peeps are off to the Redeemer Winter Getaway this weekend. Hurrah! I hope I won't freeze to death and that the roads are clear.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Commuting
There are certain things that make living in NY horrible. On my list number 1 is laundry. Number 2 is COMMUTING. It's not even the length of it (because on that point I have no right to complain since many, many people have longer commutes than I; and to an extent I choose where I live), it's the psychology of it. Man, I thought I knew what commuting was in school, but no, no you really don't until you get the Grand Central-esque experience of people in black coats and boots moving really quickly and purposefully. Moving en masse with millions of New Yorkers on a twice daily basis can make my soul feel pretty sapped. Here's what sucks:
1) The constant and persistent pushing/jostling/touching a stranger
2) Establishment of dominance (either by me or someone else) so that the other person steps aside/stays put
3) Dull, unhappy faces
4) The thought that once I get to my destination, I am stuck there for some period of time, and if not, I feel my time is wasted.
5) The feeling that I am constantly surrounded and in public, anonymous yet exposed.
I am currently commuting at least 2 hours a day. A longer commute might be a little more relaxing as there is probably a longer stretch of not being in the mode of 2) (though it is a detriment to sleep and sanity; I had a 3 hours a day commute to ML when I still lived in Jersey City), and a shorter commute would of course be great in general (though not realistic for most people in this city). Millions of people do what I do, I tell myself. I have actually seen a few people come from Astoria to Pavonia/Newport with me. It's not uncommon at all, but that only makes it more of a problem than making me feel any better.
So the fact that the MTA is cutting the W line this spring is gonna really piss me off I fear. It's cutting the service up there in half and will equal longer waits or more crowded trains...well both. Either way, it's a longer, rougher commute for a higher price.
Life doesn't suck all that much, but I thought I should finally vet out some of my feelings about the issue being a long time commuter in the tri-state area. I look forward to someday finally having a "normal" 30-minute commute!!!
1) The constant and persistent pushing/jostling/touching a stranger
2) Establishment of dominance (either by me or someone else) so that the other person steps aside/stays put
3) Dull, unhappy faces
4) The thought that once I get to my destination, I am stuck there for some period of time, and if not, I feel my time is wasted.
5) The feeling that I am constantly surrounded and in public, anonymous yet exposed.
I am currently commuting at least 2 hours a day. A longer commute might be a little more relaxing as there is probably a longer stretch of not being in the mode of 2) (though it is a detriment to sleep and sanity; I had a 3 hours a day commute to ML when I still lived in Jersey City), and a shorter commute would of course be great in general (though not realistic for most people in this city). Millions of people do what I do, I tell myself. I have actually seen a few people come from Astoria to Pavonia/Newport with me. It's not uncommon at all, but that only makes it more of a problem than making me feel any better.
So the fact that the MTA is cutting the W line this spring is gonna really piss me off I fear. It's cutting the service up there in half and will equal longer waits or more crowded trains...well both. Either way, it's a longer, rougher commute for a higher price.
Life doesn't suck all that much, but I thought I should finally vet out some of my feelings about the issue being a long time commuter in the tri-state area. I look forward to someday finally having a "normal" 30-minute commute!!!
Friday, November 7, 2008
Looking forward
Another thing I'm somewhat obsessed with are calendars. I like paper calendars, calendars I can tangibly experience. One of the things that makes me so happy at the end of the year, is that's when I finally can allow myself to buy a new planner (after being tempted by prettier planners throughout the year). Planners to me are like diaries really, chronicling an entire year of my life. I also use the note pages extensively. Notes for my talk earlier this year are in my calendar. So are various phone numbers of realtors when we were looking for an apartment. A list of everyone who paid me for the Ziesels' wedding gift is on there. So are a list of songs I was singing for my voice lessons last spring. Things like that are just not captured anywhere else.
Also, I obsess over things happening in the future. When is my next day off. When is the next birthday in my family. When should I see my doctor. When can I get the time to get an oil change for my car. I just enjoy planning things to look forward to. I think I do this mostly now because I just want time to pass quickly. Since I've got nothing "due" in life, I'm not dreading doing work. It's weird to say, but I think I focus a lot on waiting for the end of things. The end of this meeting, the end of this train ride, the end of this work day, the end of this sentence. One end is just closer to whatever it is I'm looking forward to. I don't know if that's necessarily good or bad, but in the spirit of the C. S. Lewis quote on the top of this blog, it's just true.
I'm going to Barnes and Noble tonight to buy a planner. I'm really looking forward to it.
Also, I obsess over things happening in the future. When is my next day off. When is the next birthday in my family. When should I see my doctor. When can I get the time to get an oil change for my car. I just enjoy planning things to look forward to. I think I do this mostly now because I just want time to pass quickly. Since I've got nothing "due" in life, I'm not dreading doing work. It's weird to say, but I think I focus a lot on waiting for the end of things. The end of this meeting, the end of this train ride, the end of this work day, the end of this sentence. One end is just closer to whatever it is I'm looking forward to. I don't know if that's necessarily good or bad, but in the spirit of the C. S. Lewis quote on the top of this blog, it's just true.
I'm going to Barnes and Noble tonight to buy a planner. I'm really looking forward to it.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Unstuck in Time
First of all, I got this today from a fellow worker. Thought I'd share.
Secondly, I had another one of those I-could-write-a-writing-the-essay-paper-about-this trains of thought recently. I warn you that this is going to sound incomplete, only because I'm not really connecting my thoughts, and really I don't have a point. Such is the freedom of blogs and not being in school ^_^.
Here's another quote from Sallie Culbreth :
People get discouraged because of the enormity of what lies ahead. Recovery is a huge undertaking that you may not even take the first step toward because it seems pointless. That's one of those lies that you must aggressively talk back to. No - you won't get there today or tomorrow, but you WILL get there eventually if you keep focused on those small victories, those courageous steps, and those tiny celebrations of joy that you find along the way.
I would argue Sallie is a little too people centric sometimes (she's all about the warrior metaphor with all its fighting and empowerment), but the newsletter that this came from was really encouraging. She's obviously talking about abuse recovery here, but really we're all recovering from the fall. We are all coping with a broken world.
I saw Donnie Darko recently. At the same time I've been reading Slaughterhouse Five. And it's weird that both have those themes of being unstuck in time. In the book, Billy Pilgrim learns how to view life not as sequential moments in time but instead just an amalgation of all those moments. So, if someone is dead at one moment, you don't see them as just dead, because they were a perfectly alive person for so many other moments in their life. However, Donnie still keeps the sequential element of moments intact, though the manipulation of those moments to the betterment of life is also at play. Donnie believes that God controls our paths in time, but in the end he chooses to do something that ultimately makes him take the place of God, by skipping out on Him somehow. Overall though, the movie dealt with the fear of being alone driving the need to believe in God.
This all made me think of what I had heard somewhere before (forget where), that God (the Father I suppose) doesn't necessarily view time as sequential. He is the same God of all times and all places, so he probably views time more like the way Billy was learning to view time. To us one moment of pain can seem endless, but God sees the entirety of our lives and His plan for us. He has the ultimate perfect perspective of time. But He can completely relate to our point of view because He became a man who experienced a sequential life, yet was still God and had supernatural knowledge of other moments in His life and everyone else's.
The way Billy sees time though, is missing God, so life ends up meaning nothing. Nothing but the momentary joys and beauty. It has no purpose.
Well, I haven't finished Slaughterhouse Five so I couldn't fully incorporate the book, but the themes are probably relevant. It's times like these that I wish I could write better. I kind of get to understand the whole idea of creating something new with old ideas. Alas, I hit my peak in the 5th grade (last time I was really praised for my writing and encouraged to develop it). I forget sometimes that I used to want to be an Editor, as recently as sophomore year in high school. Not that I regret my choice, but it's nice to realize that my brain can still work well within other subjects aside from business.
Secondly, I had another one of those I-could-write-a-writing-the-essay-paper-about-this trains of thought recently. I warn you that this is going to sound incomplete, only because I'm not really connecting my thoughts, and really I don't have a point. Such is the freedom of blogs and not being in school ^_^.
Here's another quote from Sallie Culbreth :
People get discouraged because of the enormity of what lies ahead. Recovery is a huge undertaking that you may not even take the first step toward because it seems pointless. That's one of those lies that you must aggressively talk back to. No - you won't get there today or tomorrow, but you WILL get there eventually if you keep focused on those small victories, those courageous steps, and those tiny celebrations of joy that you find along the way.
I would argue Sallie is a little too people centric sometimes (she's all about the warrior metaphor with all its fighting and empowerment), but the newsletter that this came from was really encouraging. She's obviously talking about abuse recovery here, but really we're all recovering from the fall. We are all coping with a broken world.
I saw Donnie Darko recently. At the same time I've been reading Slaughterhouse Five. And it's weird that both have those themes of being unstuck in time. In the book, Billy Pilgrim learns how to view life not as sequential moments in time but instead just an amalgation of all those moments. So, if someone is dead at one moment, you don't see them as just dead, because they were a perfectly alive person for so many other moments in their life. However, Donnie still keeps the sequential element of moments intact, though the manipulation of those moments to the betterment of life is also at play. Donnie believes that God controls our paths in time, but in the end he chooses to do something that ultimately makes him take the place of God, by skipping out on Him somehow. Overall though, the movie dealt with the fear of being alone driving the need to believe in God.
This all made me think of what I had heard somewhere before (forget where), that God (the Father I suppose) doesn't necessarily view time as sequential. He is the same God of all times and all places, so he probably views time more like the way Billy was learning to view time. To us one moment of pain can seem endless, but God sees the entirety of our lives and His plan for us. He has the ultimate perfect perspective of time. But He can completely relate to our point of view because He became a man who experienced a sequential life, yet was still God and had supernatural knowledge of other moments in His life and everyone else's.
The way Billy sees time though, is missing God, so life ends up meaning nothing. Nothing but the momentary joys and beauty. It has no purpose.
Well, I haven't finished Slaughterhouse Five so I couldn't fully incorporate the book, but the themes are probably relevant. It's times like these that I wish I could write better. I kind of get to understand the whole idea of creating something new with old ideas. Alas, I hit my peak in the 5th grade (last time I was really praised for my writing and encouraged to develop it). I forget sometimes that I used to want to be an Editor, as recently as sophomore year in high school. Not that I regret my choice, but it's nice to realize that my brain can still work well within other subjects aside from business.
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