So I started thinking about business school today. I started thinking about how fun it would be to get an MBA. I looked it up on the Stern site and it looks like a pretty easy application (need to round up some recommendations, but hopefully that would be naturally accumulated while I'm working through the years). They have this super flexible program (you can finish the program weeknights or Saturdays) that can be done anywhere from 2 to 6 years, 60 credits. It would cost around $90,000 overall I think. It just sounds cool too. I'm not always entirely sure of the reasons why I would do such a thing, but I'm told you'll know when it just makes sense to do that. I looked at the curriculum and of course it had very similar names to all my Stern core classes. That'd be pretty wild to go back to again. Maybe it'll be easier, or even better taught considering the well known, nobel laureate profs who teach the grad school level.
I've been thinking about goals too. I need to write up some goals for myself at work, pertaining to the next 6 months (until the mid-year review). I haven't even started at all. It's pretty scary to be kept accountable like that. What was interesting about the Stern application was the whole idea of writing about what my short-term and long-term goals were and how an part-time MBA would help me get there.
I used to have some substantial goals. At least, I think I did. It's weird not to have any...well, it's weird to be faced with the fact that people expect me to have goals and find that I don't have much. I guess, sometimes I fear my resume doesn't really match my personality or my priorities. I just like business, theology, having fun, cute things. I'm not out to change the world in any particular way, though I imagine that would happen somewhat, just because I serve God.
When I came back home from vacation, I went to Jersey to pick up my car. This usually involves a quick hello/goodbye with uncles, but my aunt happened to be the only person available for me to pick up the keys and of course she wanted to feed me and talk to me. She's really easy to talk to and has had an interesting life. She used to be a head nurse for critical care (like emergency room stuff), then she retired and started working in the IT/Compliance sphere of financial institutions.
Anyway, we naturally started talking about Ben. She said, "That's going to take a loooong time, honey. He won't be a doctor for 10 years"...blah, blah, blah. I found it interesting that 1)She felt that was somehow connected to me, when I'm obviously not the one in med school and 2)That this fact would matter and that I bemoan the idea. I guess this particular view of life (a view my mother shares I found) just catches me off guard. The view that there is a particular time and place and situation in life when you've finally arrived. When it's finally all done.
I guess I feel this way because I've very, very recently gone through a place in life where that was supposed to be the case ("Now, I'm an adult." "Now, I am financially independent."). So don't get me wrong, I understand where this is coming from, and have definitely thought that finishing school was connected to "arriving". But I just want to point out how silly this is if you're a Christian. I couldn't help thinking, why should it matter how long something takes? Most especially if it's something you can't even control. Actually, we can't really control most things.
I just think about my own life and how young I am and how much will be happening in the next 60 years or so (or shorter...the Pauline in me is rooting for shorter). I'm under the impression that if things are gonna take that long, then I shouldn't be so worried about where I'll be and how long it takes because I know God is with me and that I am with Him. You know, "Tomorrow will worry about itself" kind of stuff.
Of course, I think about decisions I'm going to have to make, etc. Hopefully, ya'll know me well enough to know how seriously I do take life and doing the 1 John walking in the light things. But whatever decision I make and however much I screw up or succeed, there is so much to be grateful for and be happy about.
So I've started reading The Brothers Karamazov (finally!) and been loving it. Good quote that has guided this post:
"Even if it is not given to you to achieve happiness, you must always remember that you are on the right path and you must try not to stray from it. Above all, avoid lying, especially lying to yourself. Keep watching out for your lies, watch for them every hour, every minute. Also avoid disgust, both for others and for yourself: whatever strikes you as disgusting within yourself is cleansed by the mere fact that you notice it. Avoid fear too, although fear is really only a consequence of lies. Never be afraid of your petty selfishness when you try to achieve love, and don't be too alarmed if you act badly on occasion. I'm sorry I cannot tell you anything more reassuring. A true act of love, unlike imaginary love, is hard and forbidding. Imaginary love yearns for an immediate heroic act that is achieved quickly and seen by everyone. People may actually reach a point where they are willing to sacrifice their lives, as long as the ordeal doesn't last too long, is quickly over - just like on the stage, with the public watching and admiring. A true act of love, on the other hand requires hard work and patience, and, for some, it is a whole way of life. But I predict that at the very moment when you see despairingly that, despite all your efforts, you have not only failed to come closer to your goal but, indeed, seem even farther from it than ever - at that very moment, you will have achieved your goal and will recognize the miraculous power of our Lord, who has always loved you and has secretly guided you along."
I like how he says, "I'm sorry I cannot tell you anything more reassuring" and then continues on with the real spiritual meat. What could be more reassuring than God's unconditional love?!?! Tell me, WHAT?!
Me and some peeps are off to the Redeemer Winter Getaway this weekend. Hurrah! I hope I won't freeze to death and that the roads are clear.
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