Another I-love-God-so-much-I-need-to-repent fest

BAH work...I thought I'd write this out while I have the chance.

I wish I could like tell them I'm busy because I'm writing my post for the day. Here's how the conversation would go:

Dave: Xaris, are you ready to come over?
Xaris: Wait, I'm working on something right now.
Dave: ...what is it?
Xaris: Oh, you know, my blog. I really need to get this done by COB today.
Dave:.....oh....

HAHA! Yes, that is how it will happen. I'm soooo professional. Here's my professional photo to prove it.


Anyway, I started getting a little bit...well a lot anxious this morning. And then with all this between Hebrews, Jonathan Edwards, the Five Points of Calvinism, Brothers Karamazov and repentance...I just started to do that thing you're supposed to do when you despair. I started thinking about how much God loves me and how He looks at me and is totally psyched that I'm in His family. I started thinking about how excited He must be to make not only the failures within me right, but the failures done to me, and the failures that affect my loved ones and enemies...make all that hot mess clean, pure, good. How the Second Coming really is going to be wonderful, and everything that is happening right now has something to do with that ultimate transition. That if Jesus died for my total grossness, He must've thought it was worth it. Well, if He thinks it's worth it, then I should respond in gratitude working through problems and embracing them with joy instead of working around or over them and/or closing my eyes bracing for the end of it. I still felt worried, but I started to think "Oh, this is what hope is." In a sense it doesn't matter what I feel, because once I start to obey, my heart follows my head.

I think many times I feel wrong, just wrong. And I can either take it on myself and think about all the ways I'm selfish, self-absorbed, in denial, evil, dark, destructive, depraved...or I can bring it to my High Priest who goes beyond the veil and sacrifices Himself for me. He is gracious, righteous, all-knowing, good, light, regenerative, redemptive...I put on that wedding dress and run down the aisle to Him.

"During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him and was designated by God to be high priest in the order of Melchizedek." - Hebrews 5:7-10