Cha-cha-cha-changes

There's this new management structure that's being implemented in my company, and I'm meeting with my new managers today. I'm kind of excited, kind of dreading. I think I just don't like feeling so vulnerable about work stuff when it has nothing to do with counseling ^_^. But I think it's gonna be great overall and nothing to really worry about. My managers are great guys who've I've talked to candidly about a great many things. If anything, I might be able to voice things that I haven't been able to before, or just don't know how to. It's what's great about having a younger, smaller company I guess. Maybe I feel lost out there without structure, but the informality of it all really helps me feel secure in my relationships with work people...well, at least the management. I always was the type to have friends older than me.

My project has ended, and it's my last week here at the client. I can hardly believe it. My first and only project. It's more normal to have 3-4 projects a year, and yet here I've been at the same desk. It's weird. I always knew I would eventually leave, but there's a weird sensation that's similar to when you quit or lose your job (though Thank the Lord Almighty, I have yet to experience the latter). I've been taking stuff home slowly, the high-heel shoes, the umbrella I found on the subway, the newspapers I saved from the election, inauguration, and when Lehman collapsed...And all these pictures of friends and family. I also put down some stickies with the Scripture that meant the most to me in one of the most major transitions of my life. The pack rat in me wants to keep it all, but I think I'll be throwing stuff away more than not. I really nested here too. Most consultants have such a bare desk, you could hardly guess that it's being used. I guess I'm just different like that.

A part of me is relieved to have an excuse to do nothing. As in, it is valid that I have nothing to do because I haven't been given an assignment yet. My hope is that I might not need to come into the offices at all and "work from home", even just for a little while. What a gift that becomes when you start working. Even when I do save up my days and have a long vacation, there's just something about not having to wake up at 6am on a weekday and to nap in the middle of the afternoon. I may not have been busy at my job, but it's not the same as staying home and not coming in at all or not staring at a screen all day.

I think that's what I really like about my job. I always know that I'm eventually gonna leave wherever I'm at, but enjoy the relative stability of being a salaried worker. Who knew being a consultant would be so appropriate for me.