One of the annoying things about weddings/marriage is that most people have an opinion about it, and anyone who hears you're getting married suddenly wants to give you unwanted advice. This is way different than friends giving you an opinion, as that's completely normal and welcome, this is when random people, just because they think you're young and naive, just start telling you what you have to/should do. Boundaries, people, BOUNDARIES!
Unfortunately, I think Ben gets this stuff a lot more than me, not quite sure why (probably because I don't go to happy hour and you wouldn't normally talk about this in a corporate environment). The most annoying thing that keeps coming up since we graduated is, "Why don't you live together?" We've obviously been serious and all the more now that we're engaged (teehee understatement), so people generally just think, well, hey, you live an hour away from each other(!), why not just move in? I think what makes it most annoying is that if it really were that easy, then of course we would. But life ain't about being easy, it's about serving God, the Church, and those outside the Church. But again and again, we run into people who are surprised to find us "inconveniencing" ourselves, and the assumptions behind all assumptions is that we're in love and so we should do whatever we want. Get married, don't get married, move in together, don't move in if it's not convenient, have kids, don't have kids (ever), join your accounts or not, but above all else, of course you should definitely have sex. In fact, no sex is actually bad for you and just not healthy. You know what, we ARE in love, but we're not married yet and you don't really understand what love is if you think it means doing whatever you want or whatever "feels right". I think people who don't have a Biblical view of why we have marriage (and by that virtue dating) at all are just making stuff up, dependent on whatever is cool for our culture today.
I guess what's most annoying of all is that it wouldn't be such an issue if we didn't live in a city. It's just SO weird to find SO many people SO surprised as if we're the weird ones. These are all casual encounters btw, no one like that we're having a yelling match with or having weird conflict with because of it. It would just be nice to meet someone, for once, to meet someone who doesn't assume we're like the average engaged people in New York City. That when we say December won't say, "Wow! Of this year!" Or when they ask if we're moving in won't say "You should just do that now! It's so much easier!" Just so many unwanted opinions!
I cannot tell you how much I feel you on this! It didn't let up entirely after the wedding, as then lots of people had advice for newlyweds. But now it's pretty much faded. I fear, however, it will return when we have children. I hear that's the worst can EVERYONE can see you're about to have a kid.
ReplyDeleteI love advice from friends. Strangers? Hate!!!