Marriage Lesson Number 1 for Xaris

^"22Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. ²³Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, ²⁴since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." - Colossians 3:22-24

We all know how this passage has been used for evil and injustice in the past. And it's really too bad, because I feel like whenever it's brought up, it's tainted with that. But that's the work of the enemy, and we must overcome the evil because we are the sons and daughters of a victorious God. And on that note...

My gracious husband brought this verse to mind for me in these last few somewhat tumultuous work weeks. It's strange that work and faith issues should come up only now and so suspiciously right after beginning a new life, a new normal and getting over other issues (clearly wedding, family, relationships related...and still there, just not prominent). But I guess that's how God wants it to be right now - obvious.

I had a less than stellar year-end review, which would usually not be so devastating for me, a decidedly above average but not too overachieving kind of person. Unfortunately, my work knows my potential too well, and despite having a perfect record of completing projects and giving the client what they want, they knew I could do better...and told me so, which is their job after all. I would've been promoted again this year, but didn't make the cut because of this (btw this was a bigger deal than last year's promotion because I would start managing people at the Senior Business Analyst level). There are lots of reasons of course, but the main ones being I was planning a wedding and I don't really prioritize work.

Somehow, this review felt different from all the B's I've gotten from good ol' Stern that made me feel subpar. For one thing, I was viewing work differently.

Ben and I have always talked freely about money as it related to heart issues and the practical workings of our individual finances. And our transition to one unit is probably much smoother than a couple who'd never even talked about it before. Just like anything though, you really don't know what you're talking about until it's actually happening to you. I thought a lot about the consequences of marrying someone who doesn't have an income. Being the woman AND the sole income earner for a family of 2 in NYC. My money is now really not just my money. Aside from accountability with how I spend it, there is now an implicit accountability to how I earn it. Yes, we depend on my income and employment, which doesn't necessarily mean a dependence on just me (more like a dependence on the gifts of God) but that doesn't mean I can ignore how this correlates to my performance. What if I were to lose my job today? This thought means something more real and different now than it did when I was single. Before, I would survive on savings, maybe ask my parents for money, maybe move to Jersey City for awhile if it really got down to it...but now I can't just go and do those things. I have not felt as insecure about my job since I didn't have one lined up my Senior year at NYU. Even through the financial crisis, I felt like I was in this little bubble of safety, working for banks without being an employee of one, being seen as revenue instead of cost minimizing, it was the last of my fearful thoughts. Now, I feel the pressure, even when it's not being applied, that I have to do well because someone else depends on me.

Now, I have to care about what work thinks of me and how I'm performing. There's a bad way to do it of course, but there's the elusive good, God-fearing, honoring way. The way that actually loves and serves people. The way that uses the standards of the kingdom of God not the broken, worldly standards of greed and ambition. I'm not just talking about loving people well, I'm talking about doing my job as excellently as I possibly can to make someone else's life easier, or to show that I care about what they care about. To be for the flourishing of the city. Because when the city prospers, I prosper. And in this time of financial vulnerability (which I didn't plan on for myself when I was single in post-graduate life...I did graduate from Stern after all, yes the arrogance of this is clear), I can find the lessons of complete reliance on my God who I don't believe has taken me this far just to leave me. He remains ever faithful and good. And I remain foolish if I think I can make plans without being flexible. If I think I know best how my life should go. I only have to look at how my life and how it has gone waaaaaaay past any dreams or goals I had for myself. I am not in charge, and that's a freeing experience to realize.

I went to a Financial Services Ministry event at Redeemer, where they appropriately talked about the parable of the talents. It's such an accessible parable, but it really has some powerful implications...much like any of Jesus's parables really. Notice that every servant is given a different amount of talents, because God knows what we ultimately can handle. The 2 talent guy and the 5 talent guy both increased their profits 100%. Notice too that no one lost anything, it's either you didn't do anything with your talent and got yelled at or you gained an unbelievable amount for the Master. The kingdom of God is the perfect investment, there's nothing to lose, and everything to gain. Either way, the servants were just stewards of what they'd been given.

So I've been put as a "slave" here on earth, as a worker, as a business analyst. I will do the work I have been given because it will ultimately please my true Master and Lord. I will do it with all the talents I've been given and not be like that 1 talent guy in the parable who just buries it in the ground. There is nothing to lose and everything to gain, by serving in my work. It is for Him that I work, not my manager, not my husband. This life is just a gift.

It isn't easy to live this out, but I'm excited by the possibility of growth.

Disclaimer: It isn't lost on me that Ben and I are in a much better financial situation than a lot of people in NYC or the world for that matter. The lifestyle we live would probably be called excessive in most developing countries. It's a social problem, and I plan on being part of the solution in different ways. But hopefully you all know what I mean by financial vulnerability.