The Core of Benjamin

Today is my birthday (of course you knew that ;)).  But today also marks 5 years of being in an exclusive relationship of some sort with Ben (i.e. he asked me out 5 years ago).  In that time we've gone through a lot like graduations, first jobs, depressives states, euphoric states, just-meh states, will-we/won't-we madness, leaving-cleaving dealings, increasing medical school debt and a 2,800-mile move.  Throughout that time, Ben hasn't been perfect, but he has been an incredible man to learn from.  Below is a passage that, in my opinion, Ben really has in the core of his character.

Romans 12: 9, 16-21
Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good...Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay says the Lord." To the contrary, "if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Let me list the things I've learned from him in the context of this passage and relationships.
1) Arguing does not need to involve yelling and random tangents. I credit Ben a lot for our marriage's level of success at making decisions together and getting through conflicts.  He strives to live peaceably with all.  A simple practical thing he's taught me is he refrains from using "always" and "never" in an argument.

2) When I express my disappointment in something that he did, he immediately apologizes and acknowledges the hurt.  He also fully acknowledges ways he could have avoided making the mistake, and reasons why he did (which are more than just excuses).  It's because Ben lives out of the reality that he is not wise in his own sight.

3) On the flip side, Ben waits until later to tell me I've done something wrong. Unlike me, he has a lot of patience and can wait to address me when I'm ready to listen to him, not in the moment of hurt when I'm more likely to yell at him and he's less likely to be kind.  This is definitely how he constantly heaps burning coals on my head...or in other words he's really good at overcoming evil with good :).

4) Having good boundaries is genuine love.  And that's with me, with friends, with colleagues...he is just naturally blessed with an ability to hold onto what is good, and know that its worth guarding even in the worst temptations.  Sure it can come out of just a love of himself (like guarding himself from vulnerability), but also a love for others and love for good itself.  I would ask him why he never dated anyone else, while obviously entrenched in a culture that constantly idolizes romance.  He has said that it was partly because he was afraid...but also partly because he just knew he wanted to be conservative about it.  And every step of the way, he was (no thanks to me...).  He had a vision for the kind of exclusivity in marriage he wanted, and that really drove his decisions in dating.  And thanks to that, this is a vision we both enjoy now.

Of course, Ben can be incredibly selfish and sinful.  He is a wretched man who needs the saving grace of Jesus.  But I just wanted to announce on this day of 5 years of being with him, that out of all the men I have known I think Ben is THE best man.  The above are just a few reasons.  And I think it's incredible that I'm actually married to the best man I've ever known.  Literally as a 22 year old and now as a 27 year old, if I had to choose who to marry out of everyone in the world, I would still choose Ben.