Ben and I recently started this Redeemer class called on the "Psalms of David" which is taught by Marty Young, a ridic teacher. I've never had access to someone who could give a satisfying answer to a gamut of hard questions about the Bible. I've taken a few of his classes before on "Becoming Wise" which is about wisdom literature in the Bible and the "Resurrection" which changed the way I thought about the Resurrection. Mainly, I've come to really appreciate his classes because of both the structure and chaos it brings. Structure because there is at least a certain area we can talk about, but chaos in how surprising it is, and how it makes me think, WOW, I don't really know God or the Word at all do I?! Sometimes you really need that jolt of reality that really communicates the raw offensiveness of the Word of God for sinners like us. If it stops being offensive, I've made a false god that molds to my thoughts and wants instead of the real God who challenges my idols and molds me to His image (WHOA!).
Anyhoo, so Marty talked about how Biblical prayer is not praying for things or means to things, it's all about praying for the will of God. When we pray for something, what exactly are we praying for? What is the object of my prayer? Is the object of my prayer God? To be quite honest, I RARELY pray because of God. Most of the time, I'm praying because I feel bad and I want to feel good again. It was so convicting seeing how rampant this was in my life. For example, I may be praying for work or wisdom at my job, but why? For His glory? NO usually it's for my own glory, so that I get a promotion and a bonus down the road, so that I can feel like I'm doing something. Even asking for absolutely good things like an apartment for Ben and I, or good weather on our wedding day is not Biblical if the reason behind it is for my own comfort, joy, peace, etc. Which absolutely makes sense if you sat down and thought about it, but I am so blind to the dealings of my heart. Do I really love God for God, which is the love God asks for, or do I love Him because of the stuff I get out of Him? Do I love God because He is good, or is it because He's good to me?
Loving God because He's good to me is not a bad thing of course, it just shouldn't be the only reason why. How weird would it be to say that I love Ben because of all the things he does for me, but never really pay attention to who he is and what he likes and loves?
Now, Marty said something regarding these un-Biblical prayers, that I don't know what to think about quite yet. He said that they are all unheard, not just unanswered, but unheard. His reasoning was that because God is so holy, he doesn't let things that are not holy into his presence. However, I think about how the Holy Spirit is our intercessor, and our prayers are heard through faith in Christ Jesus who is most righteous and holy. I wish he had given some more backing to this, but then, no one really pushed him on this issue (probably because everyone was feeling the conviction of what he just said about 90% of the prayers out there), and I hope it comes up again.
To further this point though, I think the main thing is just recognizing that even our very prayers are inadequate and are like dirty rags before the Father. But because the Son has died and rose again on our behalf, His righteousness is upon us and we must rely on Him for all things. We need to pray for His will to be done, not ours.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Update!
It has been a good long while, and much has happened it feels like. When I was forcing myself to write everyday, I really did have a bloggers mind. I would have profound (in my view ^_^) thoughts and immediately start forming a beginning, middle, and end of a blog post. I think I really did become a bit better at writing. Once in a while, I'll think about writing a post, but literally have no clue when I would do that. Except for the wedding blogs (which I usually just rush through anyway), I haven't really kept up with my friends' blog or Google Reader. It's unfortunate, and I think I really do feel the lack in connectedness. Anyway...some bullets on what's been going on:
Wedding Shtuff
- Wedding planning has been simultaneously relaxed and scary. I decided on a lot of things very early on, making it more of a lull at the moment. But already the details of what's actually needs to happen is encroaching. In the end, the things that make it stressful are the things that arise out of the planning, nothing to do with colors, style, or logistics. Maybe it's my own sins, maybe it's Ben's, maybe it's our families'. Mostly though, it becomes painfully obvious how different Ben and I operate, making working together rough going, which is relatively new for us considering how smoothly everything else we've worked on has gone (e.g. Navs leadership). Yes, we are planners and are very organized individuals, but the nuances of how this is executed is different. On the whole though, this is a good thing and engagement is exactly that time when such things start being wrestled with and accepted.
- I've been having odd thoughts about my wedding dress. I think I'm largely over it now, but I really was struggling with loving my dress...and I never really thought I'd be that kind of a girl. It was the first dress I tried on. It's kinda an awkward, "I like you, but...I don't know if you're the one." I finally put pictures of it on my phone, and I think that's helped in some odd way to look at it all the time....I know, it's just a dress, an object, I'm weirded out too.
Health
- So I gots to get a colonoscopy next month. It was a bit jarring because of a number of factors, a big one being that I have absolutely not days off left for the year because of the wedding and honeymoon. I just need to take that day as unpaid leave, which isn't such a big deal, but I just hate having so little time off. Being a consultant can be so challenging, as they really count the hours you work.
Work
- I've been busy, and it's been somewhat fun, somewhat stressful. The people I share a tiny office with (including my manager) are fun to be around. There are days when we constantly sing random songs all day, all three of us. We all refer to the same movies and the same SNL skits. It's radically different from my previous project. I'm definitely more stressed though, and challenged more everyday. I've been given more responsibility in that I'm actually the only person on my current project and loosely managed by Josh (current manager's name). I speak with people in London mostly....I've been drinking some sort of caffeine on a daily basis. It's weird to work so hard, in an environment like this. I find myself missing thinking about other things aside from finance products, processes, systems and calculations.
That's a quick overview I guess. I hope to write more later!
Wedding Shtuff
- Wedding planning has been simultaneously relaxed and scary. I decided on a lot of things very early on, making it more of a lull at the moment. But already the details of what's actually needs to happen is encroaching. In the end, the things that make it stressful are the things that arise out of the planning, nothing to do with colors, style, or logistics. Maybe it's my own sins, maybe it's Ben's, maybe it's our families'. Mostly though, it becomes painfully obvious how different Ben and I operate, making working together rough going, which is relatively new for us considering how smoothly everything else we've worked on has gone (e.g. Navs leadership). Yes, we are planners and are very organized individuals, but the nuances of how this is executed is different. On the whole though, this is a good thing and engagement is exactly that time when such things start being wrestled with and accepted.
- I've been having odd thoughts about my wedding dress. I think I'm largely over it now, but I really was struggling with loving my dress...and I never really thought I'd be that kind of a girl. It was the first dress I tried on. It's kinda an awkward, "I like you, but...I don't know if you're the one." I finally put pictures of it on my phone, and I think that's helped in some odd way to look at it all the time....I know, it's just a dress, an object, I'm weirded out too.
Health
- So I gots to get a colonoscopy next month. It was a bit jarring because of a number of factors, a big one being that I have absolutely not days off left for the year because of the wedding and honeymoon. I just need to take that day as unpaid leave, which isn't such a big deal, but I just hate having so little time off. Being a consultant can be so challenging, as they really count the hours you work.
Work
- I've been busy, and it's been somewhat fun, somewhat stressful. The people I share a tiny office with (including my manager) are fun to be around. There are days when we constantly sing random songs all day, all three of us. We all refer to the same movies and the same SNL skits. It's radically different from my previous project. I'm definitely more stressed though, and challenged more everyday. I've been given more responsibility in that I'm actually the only person on my current project and loosely managed by Josh (current manager's name). I speak with people in London mostly....I've been drinking some sort of caffeine on a daily basis. It's weird to work so hard, in an environment like this. I find myself missing thinking about other things aside from finance products, processes, systems and calculations.
That's a quick overview I guess. I hope to write more later!
Monday, July 27, 2009
NEW!
My new project is definitely miles away (literally and figuratively) from my previous one. I've been doing some real work and real thinking. I'm starting to remember that I did go to business school and that I work in Finance. I'm sharing an office with my manager and a new grad (as we call Business Analysts who just graduated ^_^), and it is surprisingly good and bad in different ways.
Bad:
1. Manager would be able to clearly see everything I do. And there is no way for me to hide, even if I did want him to forget I exist for a little while and not give me work. I have no excuse but to turn around and ask him what I should be doing.
2. Despite a shorter commute (by like 10 minutes..but whatever), I'm required to come in at 8:30am, which is normal in New York finance world. It's cool and all, but the transition is still a little jarring.
3. I'm doing real work and thus am actually feeling really vulnerable and wanting more feedback, because I know I'm displaying my abilities and skills to a Partner (as in he started the company!) and a Managing Director. I can't really tell if I'm disappointing or not, quite yet. I'm actually starting to feel that feeling I used to get in the morning before an exam or something. Not actually fear, maybe more like adrenaline/uneasiness at the things that are not known.
4. The new grad is always asking me what I'm doing, because she also wants to learn from me. It's a bit annoying though, as sometimes I just want to screw around on the Internetz.
5. I don't feel comfortable nesting there the way I did at the previous bank. I haven't brought on the pictures yet.
GOOD!:
1. My manager and the new grad are really funny, and I have surprisingly felt at ease with them most of the time. My manager is A LOT like Jim from "The Office", NO JOKE! It's weird, but I don't notice this until I stop talking to him about the project. The new grad is very talkative and quite a go-getter kind of person. She makes me feel welcome.
2. It's a 50-minute commute to an area that is accessible to a lot of other neighborhoods in the city. I have grown to really appreciate this after Jersey City!!
3. I'm doing real work and thinking really hard about things I should be thinking hard about (not centerpieces, puppies, etc.). This makes me feel like a normal working professional. I also never felt so much like a consultant than in this environment.
4. I no longer feel awkward working with solely middle-aged, cynical, self-deprecating, old school, Finance men with whom I never really knew how to have a normal conversation with (except Joel, who I miss dearly <_>).
This project goes on for at least another month, and then we don't know what comes next. I could be onto another project again. Anyway, if you don't hear from me, you'll know why!
Friday, July 10, 2009
Wedding Blogs and Moving Sites
I kind of really appreciated this post. I felt pretty similarly when I found out the ginormous amount of information there is on the internet when it comes to wedding planning. I've gotten to a point where I just want to like what I like and I'm sticking to it. What's worse is not a lot of the weddings or ideas I see are really plausible nor desire-able for Ben and me. It's definitely an art to just enjoy the beauty and not be overwhelmed by it.
Today is my last day at this client site. I almost can't believe that I'm not coming back here...maybe ever. It's both rather exciting and alarming at the same time. I almost got a beta fish, I've been here so long. It's a good thing I didn't!
It'll be a week or so until I find out for sure if I'm going to this other bank which is located in the World Financial Center. I think it still takes about an hour to get there, but the change in commute (which will be cheaper because I don't have to take the PATH!) is welcomed. I also look forward to being downtown again. It has been years since I worked down there. It's also a Japanese bank, and I look forward to experiencing another kind of corporate culture. This French bank I'm in now is sooo different from American banks, it's kind of really cool. I could write a paper on this.
Meanwhile, I'll be at our Times Square headquarters doing God knows what. I hope to be as helpful as possible with our internal projects. At the same time, I'd really like to get some short days or working from home days. Then I can finally fix the registration of my car!
Today is my last day at this client site. I almost can't believe that I'm not coming back here...maybe ever. It's both rather exciting and alarming at the same time. I almost got a beta fish, I've been here so long. It's a good thing I didn't!
It'll be a week or so until I find out for sure if I'm going to this other bank which is located in the World Financial Center. I think it still takes about an hour to get there, but the change in commute (which will be cheaper because I don't have to take the PATH!) is welcomed. I also look forward to being downtown again. It has been years since I worked down there. It's also a Japanese bank, and I look forward to experiencing another kind of corporate culture. This French bank I'm in now is sooo different from American banks, it's kind of really cool. I could write a paper on this.
Meanwhile, I'll be at our Times Square headquarters doing God knows what. I hope to be as helpful as possible with our internal projects. At the same time, I'd really like to get some short days or working from home days. Then I can finally fix the registration of my car!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Preparing for Marriage
I've been noticing something in me that I find rather disgusting. I've been judging every person I ever look at or even think of. I'm not sure how long this has been going on, or why I'm even so aware of it now (probs the Holy Spirit), but I've just felt really stupid about it lately. I see so many people in one day, just by virtue of taking public transit. And I literally form judgments about a person's character and personality just by looking them up and down. I think I did start noticing this when I started just looking at people's various engagement/wedding rings and thinking about what I would want for myself. I realized that the judgments I made on the ring's beauty and size suddenly transferred to what I thought about the person...without even talking to them.
And why am I doing this? Why such self-righteousness? It's because I'm not accessing the free love, grace, and mercy of the Lord. The hardest thing about living the Christian life, is the repetitive nature of repentence. God's love is so powerful as to demand all of me. But when I don't fully grasp the glory of the Gospel, I suddenly have no idea about my acceptance and full assurance in Jesus. The very way I live my life is affected. I literally can't love as much, nor serve as much, and accept as much. I must feel better about myself by putting people down. Again and again, I need to remember and marinate in the truth that I am robed in the righteousness of Jesus. I am, in fact, one with Him. I abide in Him and He remains in me.
It's been cool that these thoughts have been prompted by the whole process of preparing for marriage. The parallels of increasing oneness with Ben and increasing realization of God's actual oneness with me has been cool and scary to see. Ok, so maybe Ben was that person I'd been thinking about and praying for all my life, that person I'm actually gonna marry. But God has always been in my life, whether I like it or not, whether I paid attention or not. He has always been my husband, I have always been saved. My salvation was never dependent on how wise I am or how much I obeyed or even how much I believe, it depended on God. Much like Gomer, it doesn't matter how much she had done, she was still Hosea's wife. So for all time and eternity, Jesus has already clothed me with his wealth, glory, and honor. I've never done anything without His help.
It's a little scary to think about how marriage is a model like this that was created by God. That no matter how ugly your spouse gets, how demeaning their spirit may become, or even how terrible a parent they end up being, it is your job to stick it out and make them better, even if it costs you terribly. That is God's way of loving us after all, and if we can't even love the one person we're supposed to love in this way, how can we ever serve the poor and the marginalized (that's a Mike Mason paraphrase btw)? The simplicity of marriage, you're given one person to love above any other human being, including yourself. That's it! How difficult, but man, how beautiful! God is a genius.
And why am I doing this? Why such self-righteousness? It's because I'm not accessing the free love, grace, and mercy of the Lord. The hardest thing about living the Christian life, is the repetitive nature of repentence. God's love is so powerful as to demand all of me. But when I don't fully grasp the glory of the Gospel, I suddenly have no idea about my acceptance and full assurance in Jesus. The very way I live my life is affected. I literally can't love as much, nor serve as much, and accept as much. I must feel better about myself by putting people down. Again and again, I need to remember and marinate in the truth that I am robed in the righteousness of Jesus. I am, in fact, one with Him. I abide in Him and He remains in me.
It's been cool that these thoughts have been prompted by the whole process of preparing for marriage. The parallels of increasing oneness with Ben and increasing realization of God's actual oneness with me has been cool and scary to see. Ok, so maybe Ben was that person I'd been thinking about and praying for all my life, that person I'm actually gonna marry. But God has always been in my life, whether I like it or not, whether I paid attention or not. He has always been my husband, I have always been saved. My salvation was never dependent on how wise I am or how much I obeyed or even how much I believe, it depended on God. Much like Gomer, it doesn't matter how much she had done, she was still Hosea's wife. So for all time and eternity, Jesus has already clothed me with his wealth, glory, and honor. I've never done anything without His help.
It's a little scary to think about how marriage is a model like this that was created by God. That no matter how ugly your spouse gets, how demeaning their spirit may become, or even how terrible a parent they end up being, it is your job to stick it out and make them better, even if it costs you terribly. That is God's way of loving us after all, and if we can't even love the one person we're supposed to love in this way, how can we ever serve the poor and the marginalized (that's a Mike Mason paraphrase btw)? The simplicity of marriage, you're given one person to love above any other human being, including yourself. That's it! How difficult, but man, how beautiful! God is a genius.
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Cha-cha-cha-changes
There's this new management structure that's being implemented in my company, and I'm meeting with my new managers today. I'm kind of excited, kind of dreading. I think I just don't like feeling so vulnerable about work stuff when it has nothing to do with counseling ^_^. But I think it's gonna be great overall and nothing to really worry about. My managers are great guys who've I've talked to candidly about a great many things. If anything, I might be able to voice things that I haven't been able to before, or just don't know how to. It's what's great about having a younger, smaller company I guess. Maybe I feel lost out there without structure, but the informality of it all really helps me feel secure in my relationships with work people...well, at least the management. I always was the type to have friends older than me.
My project has ended, and it's my last week here at the client. I can hardly believe it. My first and only project. It's more normal to have 3-4 projects a year, and yet here I've been at the same desk. It's weird. I always knew I would eventually leave, but there's a weird sensation that's similar to when you quit or lose your job (though Thank the Lord Almighty, I have yet to experience the latter). I've been taking stuff home slowly, the high-heel shoes, the umbrella I found on the subway, the newspapers I saved from the election, inauguration, and when Lehman collapsed...And all these pictures of friends and family. I also put down some stickies with the Scripture that meant the most to me in one of the most major transitions of my life. The pack rat in me wants to keep it all, but I think I'll be throwing stuff away more than not. I really nested here too. Most consultants have such a bare desk, you could hardly guess that it's being used. I guess I'm just different like that.
A part of me is relieved to have an excuse to do nothing. As in, it is valid that I have nothing to do because I haven't been given an assignment yet. My hope is that I might not need to come into the offices at all and "work from home", even just for a little while. What a gift that becomes when you start working. Even when I do save up my days and have a long vacation, there's just something about not having to wake up at 6am on a weekday and to nap in the middle of the afternoon. I may not have been busy at my job, but it's not the same as staying home and not coming in at all or not staring at a screen all day.
I think that's what I really like about my job. I always know that I'm eventually gonna leave wherever I'm at, but enjoy the relative stability of being a salaried worker. Who knew being a consultant would be so appropriate for me.
My project has ended, and it's my last week here at the client. I can hardly believe it. My first and only project. It's more normal to have 3-4 projects a year, and yet here I've been at the same desk. It's weird. I always knew I would eventually leave, but there's a weird sensation that's similar to when you quit or lose your job (though Thank the Lord Almighty, I have yet to experience the latter). I've been taking stuff home slowly, the high-heel shoes, the umbrella I found on the subway, the newspapers I saved from the election, inauguration, and when Lehman collapsed...And all these pictures of friends and family. I also put down some stickies with the Scripture that meant the most to me in one of the most major transitions of my life. The pack rat in me wants to keep it all, but I think I'll be throwing stuff away more than not. I really nested here too. Most consultants have such a bare desk, you could hardly guess that it's being used. I guess I'm just different like that.
A part of me is relieved to have an excuse to do nothing. As in, it is valid that I have nothing to do because I haven't been given an assignment yet. My hope is that I might not need to come into the offices at all and "work from home", even just for a little while. What a gift that becomes when you start working. Even when I do save up my days and have a long vacation, there's just something about not having to wake up at 6am on a weekday and to nap in the middle of the afternoon. I may not have been busy at my job, but it's not the same as staying home and not coming in at all or not staring at a screen all day.
I think that's what I really like about my job. I always know that I'm eventually gonna leave wherever I'm at, but enjoy the relative stability of being a salaried worker. Who knew being a consultant would be so appropriate for me.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
We are the weird ones
One of the annoying things about weddings/marriage is that most people have an opinion about it, and anyone who hears you're getting married suddenly wants to give you unwanted advice. This is way different than friends giving you an opinion, as that's completely normal and welcome, this is when random people, just because they think you're young and naive, just start telling you what you have to/should do. Boundaries, people, BOUNDARIES!
Unfortunately, I think Ben gets this stuff a lot more than me, not quite sure why (probably because I don't go to happy hour and you wouldn't normally talk about this in a corporate environment). The most annoying thing that keeps coming up since we graduated is, "Why don't you live together?" We've obviously been serious and all the more now that we're engaged (teehee understatement), so people generally just think, well, hey, you live an hour away from each other(!), why not just move in? I think what makes it most annoying is that if it really were that easy, then of course we would. But life ain't about being easy, it's about serving God, the Church, and those outside the Church. But again and again, we run into people who are surprised to find us "inconveniencing" ourselves, and the assumptions behind all assumptions is that we're in love and so we should do whatever we want. Get married, don't get married, move in together, don't move in if it's not convenient, have kids, don't have kids (ever), join your accounts or not, but above all else, of course you should definitely have sex. In fact, no sex is actually bad for you and just not healthy. You know what, we ARE in love, but we're not married yet and you don't really understand what love is if you think it means doing whatever you want or whatever "feels right". I think people who don't have a Biblical view of why we have marriage (and by that virtue dating) at all are just making stuff up, dependent on whatever is cool for our culture today.
I guess what's most annoying of all is that it wouldn't be such an issue if we didn't live in a city. It's just SO weird to find SO many people SO surprised as if we're the weird ones. These are all casual encounters btw, no one like that we're having a yelling match with or having weird conflict with because of it. It would just be nice to meet someone, for once, to meet someone who doesn't assume we're like the average engaged people in New York City. That when we say December won't say, "Wow! Of this year!" Or when they ask if we're moving in won't say "You should just do that now! It's so much easier!" Just so many unwanted opinions!
Unfortunately, I think Ben gets this stuff a lot more than me, not quite sure why (probably because I don't go to happy hour and you wouldn't normally talk about this in a corporate environment). The most annoying thing that keeps coming up since we graduated is, "Why don't you live together?" We've obviously been serious and all the more now that we're engaged (teehee understatement), so people generally just think, well, hey, you live an hour away from each other(!), why not just move in? I think what makes it most annoying is that if it really were that easy, then of course we would. But life ain't about being easy, it's about serving God, the Church, and those outside the Church. But again and again, we run into people who are surprised to find us "inconveniencing" ourselves, and the assumptions behind all assumptions is that we're in love and so we should do whatever we want. Get married, don't get married, move in together, don't move in if it's not convenient, have kids, don't have kids (ever), join your accounts or not, but above all else, of course you should definitely have sex. In fact, no sex is actually bad for you and just not healthy. You know what, we ARE in love, but we're not married yet and you don't really understand what love is if you think it means doing whatever you want or whatever "feels right". I think people who don't have a Biblical view of why we have marriage (and by that virtue dating) at all are just making stuff up, dependent on whatever is cool for our culture today.
I guess what's most annoying of all is that it wouldn't be such an issue if we didn't live in a city. It's just SO weird to find SO many people SO surprised as if we're the weird ones. These are all casual encounters btw, no one like that we're having a yelling match with or having weird conflict with because of it. It would just be nice to meet someone, for once, to meet someone who doesn't assume we're like the average engaged people in New York City. That when we say December won't say, "Wow! Of this year!" Or when they ask if we're moving in won't say "You should just do that now! It's so much easier!" Just so many unwanted opinions!
Monday, June 29, 2009
Jewelry and Coney Island
I just wanna say that if you're looking for any sort of real, good, reasonably priced jewelry in NYC, go to David S Diamonds. Ravin, the guy Ben got my ring from, is such an amiable person, and is just so surprisingly great to deal with. You just don't feel hustled, which is rare for me nowadays as I need to put my gameface on whenever I'm dealing with a wedding purchase of some sort. Even if it's just talking myself down. Anyway, just ask me if you have that kind of need.
This last week has been so surprisingly social. It never ceases to amaze me the randomness of what dictates how busy you are at any given point in time when there aren't any structures to your time (like semester, quarter, finals, etc.).
Ben and I took my cousins to Coney Island yesterday. It was all our first time there, so it was very interesting. I think the beach there is actually better than Rockaway...though more crowded. The 4 of us squeezed onto my beach towel and even laid out a little. The facilities and the food were better too...thinking I'm definitely going back this summer!
This last week has been so surprisingly social. It never ceases to amaze me the randomness of what dictates how busy you are at any given point in time when there aren't any structures to your time (like semester, quarter, finals, etc.).
Ben and I took my cousins to Coney Island yesterday. It was all our first time there, so it was very interesting. I think the beach there is actually better than Rockaway...though more crowded. The 4 of us squeezed onto my beach towel and even laid out a little. The facilities and the food were better too...thinking I'm definitely going back this summer!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Calling and Wedding Tidbits
So apparently, Mike Mason added an extra chapter to "The Mystery of Marriage" when he was 10 years into marriage. The original book was from his musings during engagement and it became a book the year after. How does someone know so much about marriage being so new to it? I really wouldn't know.
This is from a parable he quotes in the new chapter:
"Looking back, I can see that before then, in spite of having a lover and all, really I was still behaving pretty much like my own person: single, autonomous, marching to a private drum. And expecting Christopher just to tag along! It was almost as though I were the only person on earth, lost in my own little dream world. But ever since that mysterious transaction at the altar, like it or not I've found myself living not my own life but Christopher's: doing Christopher's work, thinking Christopher's thoughts, getting used to Christopher's body as being my own body, and trying, however clumsily, to do all things just the way Christopher wants them done. And since there is legally only one living person now in place of two, I even took his full name, first and last, as my own: Christopher Rainbow."
It's interesting how much it pinpoints how people are prone to use one another. We are prone to like what we like, and just like the people who like that same thing. In fact, according to C.S. Lewis, that is the definition of friendship.
I'm not gonna lie, the call of being a wife is kind of scary. To live as if I'm not living my own selfish life, a life I've been used to living until now. Because when you start using your husband for your own agenda and desires, then it is to your downfall, because you are ONE. Whatever you do to him, you do to yourself.
Wedding Planning status (in case you wanna know):
-Guest List is pretty much finalized. Woot!!!
-We've figured out our Save-the-Dates with the wonderful, fabulous, and brave Kyo (this woman is doing 3 weddings, in one of which she's a maid of honor!, oh brave, brave soul). I'm so extremely happy with how it turned out. And I'm so extremely happy that I can look at other people's with full on glee, without feeling like I'm supposed to look at it and see what I like about it. I just really like these kinds of things, as previously mentioned.
-We have begun the registering process, complete with registering needs checklist. I always enjoy shopping with Benny, so it should be a fun experience.
-Contemplating a DIY centerpiece involving candles on a dish with wedding flowers strewn on. Should be $100-$200 cheaper. AND the bridesmaids would have actual bouqets (though small ones...and also DIY, including mine...which I'm not sure we know how to do yet with orchids). Hmm...
-I keep seeing other wedding dresses and get a tinge of fear and doubt that I chose the wrong one....which is pretty ridiculous, because it's absolutely beautiful and in my price range, but it's the tension that comes with making a decision early, and the fact that I can't look at it. I keep telling myself, "You wear it for one day, you wear it for one day." I must amuse myself with thinking of options for a coat or something to keep warm!
-Blue Nile and Amazon have pretty affordable wedding rings, but I wonder if it's safe to buy online...But I know the whole reason why they're cheaper is they pay way less overhead...I usually wouldn't be so apprehensive, but jewelry is just something I don't know much about.
This is from a parable he quotes in the new chapter:
"Looking back, I can see that before then, in spite of having a lover and all, really I was still behaving pretty much like my own person: single, autonomous, marching to a private drum. And expecting Christopher just to tag along! It was almost as though I were the only person on earth, lost in my own little dream world. But ever since that mysterious transaction at the altar, like it or not I've found myself living not my own life but Christopher's: doing Christopher's work, thinking Christopher's thoughts, getting used to Christopher's body as being my own body, and trying, however clumsily, to do all things just the way Christopher wants them done. And since there is legally only one living person now in place of two, I even took his full name, first and last, as my own: Christopher Rainbow."
It's interesting how much it pinpoints how people are prone to use one another. We are prone to like what we like, and just like the people who like that same thing. In fact, according to C.S. Lewis, that is the definition of friendship.
I'm not gonna lie, the call of being a wife is kind of scary. To live as if I'm not living my own selfish life, a life I've been used to living until now. Because when you start using your husband for your own agenda and desires, then it is to your downfall, because you are ONE. Whatever you do to him, you do to yourself.
Wedding Planning status (in case you wanna know):
-Guest List is pretty much finalized. Woot!!!
-We've figured out our Save-the-Dates with the wonderful, fabulous, and brave Kyo (this woman is doing 3 weddings, in one of which she's a maid of honor!, oh brave, brave soul). I'm so extremely happy with how it turned out. And I'm so extremely happy that I can look at other people's with full on glee, without feeling like I'm supposed to look at it and see what I like about it. I just really like these kinds of things, as previously mentioned.
-We have begun the registering process, complete with registering needs checklist. I always enjoy shopping with Benny, so it should be a fun experience.
-Contemplating a DIY centerpiece involving candles on a dish with wedding flowers strewn on. Should be $100-$200 cheaper. AND the bridesmaids would have actual bouqets (though small ones...and also DIY, including mine...which I'm not sure we know how to do yet with orchids). Hmm...
-I keep seeing other wedding dresses and get a tinge of fear and doubt that I chose the wrong one....which is pretty ridiculous, because it's absolutely beautiful and in my price range, but it's the tension that comes with making a decision early, and the fact that I can't look at it. I keep telling myself, "You wear it for one day, you wear it for one day." I must amuse myself with thinking of options for a coat or something to keep warm!
-Blue Nile and Amazon have pretty affordable wedding rings, but I wonder if it's safe to buy online...But I know the whole reason why they're cheaper is they pay way less overhead...I usually wouldn't be so apprehensive, but jewelry is just something I don't know much about.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Pricing
One wedding decision annoyance is not knowing what a fair price is. Everything is super-bloated in the wedding industry. I hate it that when something is within my budget, I can't really tell if it's a fair price or just that I'm over-budgeting. Imperfect information sharing just leads to inefficient markets. And I think the problem is that there is a ridiculous range of prices you could pay for any single item.
Related to pricing is how annoying it is that even when you DIY, it's not necessarily cheaper. It can be, in fact, more expensive. Example? Makeup. I don't really wear makeup, but if I did that myself it would probably cost me more money than if I used a professional to do it for me the day of, plus I would not be stuck with makeup that I'm not really gonna use. Also, there's the worrying about having it done well. I COULD do the centerpieces myself, go and buy some orchids on Sunday and put them together, but I'd be so stressed out already, and it would be one more thing I have to do that Sunday. There's something about just paying to get it done that is so appealing...though more expensive. I just wish I knew a florist and a hair and makeup person who wouldn't have to charge me an arm and a leg. Networking fail!
Related to pricing is how annoying it is that even when you DIY, it's not necessarily cheaper. It can be, in fact, more expensive. Example? Makeup. I don't really wear makeup, but if I did that myself it would probably cost me more money than if I used a professional to do it for me the day of, plus I would not be stuck with makeup that I'm not really gonna use. Also, there's the worrying about having it done well. I COULD do the centerpieces myself, go and buy some orchids on Sunday and put them together, but I'd be so stressed out already, and it would be one more thing I have to do that Sunday. There's something about just paying to get it done that is so appealing...though more expensive. I just wish I knew a florist and a hair and makeup person who wouldn't have to charge me an arm and a leg. Networking fail!
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