Sin is awful

I've been reading Mortification of Sin by John Owen. I think what's struck me the most so far is how he just really gets sin. He reminds you that there is absolutely nothing you can do for yourself and your salvation. How we are completely and utterly incapable of anything without Jesus. I think the farther I've gone on the road to sanctification, I always take more steps backwards when I stop thinking about how much I need Jesus and start thinking about the next "right thing" I've got to do. And that's just as bad as being one of the mockers, spitting at the Cross. Sin is deceitful like that.

Yet despair is of the same ilk. Indwelling sin may never leave us in this life, and despair and anger over this fact is made up of an insidious belief that you know better than God. Really, the same question should be asked at all times and to all saints at all points on the path to righteousness - Is Jesus your Lord and Savior?

I forget this all the time. I'm a real jerk when I'm doing the "right things," and really needy and emotionally unstable when I live in fear and sorrow. Yet I am continually redeemed.

"You are more flawed and lost than you ever dared believe, yet you can be more accepted and loved than you ever dared hope because Jesus lived and died in your place - Salvation is of the Lord."

Food Tracking and More about Art

Grace told me about The Daily Plate and it's pretty amazing. It's this free online tool (connected to the Live Strong organization with the yellow bands for cancer) that tracks the calories you eat and the calories you burn. I'm guessing they make money from advertising, and the people who become "Gold" members. It isn't perfect, but the database of food and exercise is really amazingly complete. Here is my profile so far! And if you really get into it, you can also do some of the online community stuff, and there's a "Daily Food Diary" where you can blog about food and how healthy you feel, etc. Tracking things can be really fun.

Dave told me that some French dudes were kinda checking out my desk when I wasn't here. He commented that they were probably looking at my pictures and that the way my desk is laid out has a good vibe to it. I'm not sure what that really means, but man, if pictures are making people look at my desk, that's kind of creepy/cool. Every other person's desk I see is usually pretty bare, especially the consultants. But I guess I'm just the kind of person who likes to nest. Anyway, more likely the French dudes were just waiting to go see someone in an office. I think this bank has the best art put up that I've ever seen. That's against the 3 other financial institutions I've worked for. I've always wondered though how people decide to put one in a specific office. What if you were assigned an office and then you really didn't like the painting? I'm sure that's not really a problem though, considering most art they choose are innocuous.

It's a life goal of mine to own a Bob Ross painting. I used to watch the Joy of Painting in the Philippines because it was on early on Saturday mornings before the cartoons. They're just so peaceful and beautiful.

Boris

For those who don't know, this is my baby, Boris. I tried entering the code in last month (like right after going home), but was having some issues. Finally figured it out! Isn't he a cutie pie?

That was a Santa toy he got for Christmas from a family friend. And my mama was watching her DVR of The News Hour with Jim Lehr in the background...adds a bit of drama and irony I think ^_^.

Being Google Search Free!

Ok, so this warrants another entry today. I googled my name today, since I have such a unique full name I like to watch that closely. And as I feared would happen one day, a link to this blog showed up. So I finally got around to really figuring out how to block those Googlebots that crawl through the internet, since I've heard of that being possible. Lo and behold, I found out about meta tags that you put in the code of your header. You put it before < / head > and make sure you close it out with < / meta >. I felt really smart. So this means googlebots and other bots like them (i.e. Yahoo's crawlers), will stop picking this site up as a search result.

AND THEN, I also found out about Google Webmaster Tools which has all kinds of fun stats about when and how your website comes up and that kind of fun stuff. It's probably more fun if I was actually a professional blogger trying to create traffic to my site. And apparently about 13 people are subscribed to my feed on Google Reader....and that doesn't include the old-fashioned people (like Benny ^_^) who just come to this site directly...that's weird man. Here is the graphic of the terms that have made my site pop-up as a search result, but obviously no one has actually gone to my site through them (I'm assuming since they have no data for it). The Webmaster Tools also allows you to request and immediate URL removal from all search results, if you don't want to wait for the next crawl that happens on your site.

Pictures!

Or as my papa would say "Freaktures". Anyhoo, Ben and I went to the Columbia College of Physicians and Surgeons Formal (or P&S...try saying that quickly...HAHA!) at the Harvard Club (in which, apparently, the Columbia Club resides as well). It was loosely Marid Gras-esque themed. Really there were a bunch of beads and masks (which I must admit were kind of really awesome, not just those plastic kinds at high school dances).

Here we are, looking scary....look at how the dark wood accentuates.

Normal.

I think the most fun thing about graduating is that you get to be your adult self meeting new people. Sure that kind of happens when you start college, but now it's a more fully formed personhood, instead of a shaky, unrooted one that's still largely tied to your childhood. One major thing is that a lot of the new people I meet connect me to Ben specifically, which is one thing I didn't really see coming about the transition. Probably mainly because I never had to. Imagine if you just met me today as I am...weird right? But just like anything, I guess, God shapes who I am and who I become, and people change all the time. I must have faith in His work in me.

ALSO, thought I'd share below is an album of the last Valentine's Day. Ben made some amazing mussels. Who knew these things were so easy to cook and cheap? My neighborhood is wonderful, we have a butcher, several bakers, a produce market, a fish monger, and the good ol' grocery store all in a one block radius. Going out to eat on Valentine's Day is definitely overrated...especially when that's a normal thing to do for us anyway and those pre-fixe meals are more expensive that they need to be.

I'm a Techie at heart

I'm soooo happy they re-stocked the cafeteria! They had my large M&M cookie and chocolate milk, which they haven't had for the last few weeks (well on Fridays anyway ^_^).

I totally just wasted my time looking for code that does that "Related Posts" thing at the bottom. None of the codes I could find was working for me, and I just gave up. Especially in my job now, sometimes I wish I'd done Computer Science. As long as you keep learning and keep up with stuff you're totally employable. Plus, once you really hone in on a system or niche, you could do projects for as long as the company utilizes that system. It just seems like such an easy and fun job, fixing problems through code and by specification. I was pretty good at it in high school, despite being the only girl in my AP Computer Programming class. It was just a fluff AP course to look like I'm working hard. It was nothing though, because it's not like we had homework because all the work was done in class. It was my first period class and I would be late everyday, but Mr. Johnson really liked me so I got away with it.

I found out that iGoogle can now show me my Gmail stuff at work (before it wouldn't expand and was blocked). It left me wondering about why I got my BlackBerry. True, I had wanted one for a few years, so it was no impulse purchase. But now that I have it, it is showing me my affinity for technology and how I'm really not afraid of it. I find out about new apps all the time, and I've implemented a lot of things that really are changing my life and how I do things. For example, when I'm going somewhere new, I don't really look stuff up at home anymore. I just get on the train and look it up while I'm still above ground. Actually, I barely turn my computer on, maybe once every two weeks (...I watch Lost on Erica's computer once and awhile and I'm at work all day staring at a screen). It's also sooo much easier reading Spurgeon and John Owen when I don't have to worry about printing something out. I also know more about what's going on with my family, because I read every single email sent to our distribution lists (I have a large family). I Facebook and Twitter more than I would've. I keep track of my finances better: no need for receipts, no need for constant updating, no need to remember when to pay bills, no need to be in the dark about my balances, easy to look for phone numbers.

AND, get this, I'm actually more careful about my boundaries because of my BBerry. I actually turn it off at night. I whole-heartedly want to say that my BBerry is NOT a Crackberry. I already feel the way my fingers just wanna reach for it in the middle of dinner when there's a lull, but NO I shall resist it (unless the other person is checking out their phone too, then I feel the permission to look). If I had a normal cell phone, I probably wouldn't hesitate checking text messages, but I actively try not to look at the BBerry if someone is with me. And I think I'm still at a point where I could probably live without it.

Btw, I'm on Google Latitude because 1) I like being an early adopter 2) If I'm trying to meet someone and can't find them, it's a useful tool and/or I'm hanging out in the Village or something and want to see if anyone is around. That kind of spontaneity is now missing in my life, considering I don't go to a "campus" where I can possibly run into a bunch of people I know and randomly have coffee. I figure it's just Facebook on Google Maps, my Facebook status can tell you a lot about where I am emotionally, why not have something that tells you where I am locationally. Plus, you choose who gets to know and to what level of detail...like Facebook.

I realize that network effects is key here and it's gonna take awhile until my circle of friends are comfortable with it, so it's largely just for my own personal fun for now. But that's how it was on Twitter which I got on like 2 years ago or something, and NOW look at it. I have probably communicated with my cousin more often in the last 2 months than in the previous 3 years.

ANYWAY, all this to highlight the ways I live my life differently today versus 10 months ago, technologically speaking. As a Google devotee and one suspicious of/annoyed with Apple. I found this video amusing.

Did lots of listening today

I just heard about Yale's free courses online. I think ever since I've left school, I've been looking for ways to learn about things in a structured format. The problem is, I'm really not self-motivated enough. I really need to sit down and figured out a plan and stick it into my calendar or something. I think my sense of doing things is largely influenced by what people tell me I can or cannot do. Big surprise right? Unforunately, when no one tells me what to do, I don't do anything.

So apparently, Redeemer has a free sermon up every month at their sermon store. I listened to this month's and it's basically the Tim Keller "Core Lies" sermon. "The essence of sin is a lie." "First step of sin is not disobedience, it's the resentment of obedience." My favorite is his explanation of why the doctrine of Original Sin is a good thing because "We can hate evil without hating ourselves." It does not mitigate our greatness nor our evil. Anyway, good stuff!

Love Will Set Me Free

This song is called "Ain't No Reason" but it should be called "Love Will Set Me Free". The song, though obviously really lacking in truth and a bit defeatist, really reminds me of Lamentations. Brett Dennen really likes to throw in random lyrics about pain and suffering and brokenness and isn't always coherent, but he sure has a lot of faith in Love. The way Lamentations is different is it directly talks about God's justice on His people and all this terrible stuff that's going on because of our iniquity. Then randomly, right in the thick of things it starts talking about God's love. It is one of the most jarring passages in the Bible for me.

"Love will set me free, I do believe." - Brett Dennen

Lamentations 3:
19Remember my affliction and my wandering, the wormwood and bitterness.
20Surely my soul remembers
And is bowed down within me.
21This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.
22The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
23They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
24"The LORD is my portion," says my soul,
"Therefore I have hope in Him."
25The LORD is good to those who wait for Him,
To the person who seeks Him.
26It is good that he waits silently
For the salvation of the LORD.
27It is good for a man that he should bear
The yoke in his youth.
28Let him sit alone and be silent
Since He has laid it on him.
29Let him put his mouth in the dust,
Perhaps there is hope.
30Let him give his cheek to the smiter,
Let him be filled with reproach.
31For the Lord will not reject forever,
32For if He causes grief,
Then He will have compassion
According to His abundant lovingkindness.
33For He does not afflict willingly
Or grieve the sons of men.

But we're living in the New Testament world now! So it's not that Love will set me free, it's that Love (perfect, eternal, and unchanging) has already and forever more set me free! The Love that only Jesus Christ can give me. It's new every morning. Laura B who is the conductor for the Redeemer choir quoted something like, "Isn't it great to wake up in the morning and find that the Lord is still with you?" And it has really struck me every morning since. He is STILL there, after all the wormwood and bitterness. Great is His faithfulness!

Happiness is...

Ben and I made it to the new Jollibee by Little Manila in Queens last Saturday!!! Only, there was a long ass line so we didn't get to go in. BUT, I am insanely excited to have one so close to me for it is like the article says, Filipino soul food.

We also saw He's Just Not That Into You.....and oh my goodness, I never thought a secular chick flick could get it so close to the truth. Something that what said several times was something like, "If a guy wants to date you, he'll do anything he can to make it happen. If not, then get over it and move on." Such a simple idea, but sooooooo many implications. Seriously, what a frustrating problem of idolatry. The statement is simplistic and doesn't really offer much hope. But I think it was when I realized that this is a practical way to guard my heart, that I was free to love God more, to seek Him more. I figured out that if I didn't get confirmation of interest that I wasn't playing that emotional dating game anymore. No more phone calls, no more exclusivity, no more drama. And OMG, amidst the emotional anxiety and counseling, I just didn't need it. I'm not saying I'm not as crazy as Gigi (who is awkward in her desperation and needy-ness) anymore, because I very much back slide all the time, I'm saying if Jesus is my hope and my salvation, my sanctification is on track and I ain't so crazy all the friggin' time. Cause honestly, that's always a very real and weighty question. Is Jesus my Lord and Savior? It never goes away, single, dating or married. So basically, the movie lays out some basic truths that all modern, young women should think about.

Random Friday

Ben and I are gonna do the Voices of Redeemer choir this weekend. Singing for this is always fun! You get to sit on stage and hear the sermon from behind Tim Keller.

Whenever I stop and think about it, it's so weird to me how used to my life I am. I am sincerely a creature of habit, and once a habit is there, I pretty much run on autopilot. Like code being added to a program. I think that's why when someone suddenly wants to engage with me during the day, I kinda need to take a second and respond. I'm not a robot, but I sure act like one for most of my waking life.

John was warning Dave (who is currently seriously dating this girl) not to propose to her on Valentine's Day because the ring would constitute as a gift and if they ever fell through she has a legal right not to give it back. Also, John says there is a legal precedent of a ruling that said a proposal made and agreed on anything but a holiday or birthday is a legal contract which means if the contract is broken then the girl would have a legal obligation to give the ring back (John is a bit of a nerd, told you he was smart)...Needless to say, I'm never taking any advice of this kind from these men.


I've built up quite a history on Mint.com. And this is showing all the restaurants I've been to in the last 6 months....wow...I can't even read it. And these are only the one's I used a credit card, the cash transactions aren't represented.

Tim Keller has an AMAZING extra sermon he gave on work for the Center for Faith and Work Open House deal. I wasn't able to go because I was at the retreat, but because I knew an insider (aka Sonja) I was able to ask for a recording. It's on the front page of the Center for Faith and Work website FOR FREE! If you work, you wanna hear this.