I've been reading Mortification of Sin by John Owen. I think what's struck me the most so far is how he just really gets sin. He reminds you that there is absolutely nothing you can do for yourself and your salvation. How we are completely and utterly incapable of anything without Jesus. I think the farther I've gone on the road to sanctification, I always take more steps backwards when I stop thinking about how much I need Jesus and start thinking about the next "right thing" I've got to do. And that's just as bad as being one of the mockers, spitting at the Cross. Sin is deceitful like that.
Yet despair is of the same ilk. Indwelling sin may never leave us in this life, and despair and anger over this fact is made up of an insidious belief that you know better than God. Really, the same question should be asked at all times and to all saints at all points on the path to righteousness - Is Jesus your Lord and Savior?
I forget this all the time. I'm a real jerk when I'm doing the "right things," and really needy and emotionally unstable when I live in fear and sorrow. Yet I am continually redeemed.
"You are more flawed and lost than you ever dared believe, yet you can be more accepted and loved than you ever dared hope because Jesus lived and died in your place - Salvation is of the Lord."
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