Strength

1. Harmony
2. Empathy
3. Connectedness
4. Responsibility
5. Relator

I know I've written about this before. But I wanted to process this again given my new circumstances. These are my so called top 5 strengths according to the Strengthsfinder test (2.0!). Basically, the premise is there are certain skills that just come naturally to a person. Each of us does certain things really well without even thinking about it. I took this test through my mom (as I did with Myers-Briggs) who, if you don't already know, is an awesome, non-catty, career HR person (a rare breed indeed). So basically these researchers have identified 32 or so different strengths. I tried looking for the bona fide descriptions for my specific ones, but it's really self-explanatory. Harmony is looking for ways of compromise and generally not liking conflict. Empathy is being really inclined to feel for other people and being good at it (when I don't feel like connecting with somebody I just don't show this and shut it down, even though I really always see where the other person is coming from...though sometimes it is wise to refrain, that's pretty messed up of me, I agree). Connectedness is a tendency to think of things as part of a much larger and meaningful whole (people with this strength obviously would have a tendency to be religious/spiritual). Responsibility is taking ownership of what I do. Relator is having deep, meaningful relationships with those around me. Combining this info with my Myers-Briggs (ISFJ) it's interesting to see how really strong my Feeling is. I process so many things through my values and my emotions. Sometimes I think this is why my memory is so good, I remember the very smells and colors and touch of specifically emotional events in my life.

I started reading my Japanese textbook last night and I've been practicing my hiragana and katakana characters today. It's using a part of my brain I've been forgetting I have. I forget that I'm smart and capable sometimes. I've been sitting at work this past week, trying to think of ways to force output out of me since my work does not require so much. It's been spurred on by some rather substantial decorating I've been doing at home (we're painting tomorrow! it's really looking different already). But of course, these ideas of mine feel rather weak. I feel like a stay-at-home mom who's children have finally grown up and I'm just trying to occupy my time (granted this is similar, but not the same). It feels like a cop out in a way, trying to create an effort in myself so that I feel meaningful again. Shouldn't that be found in God and not in cross-stitching or any other hobby? But if it's the baby step I can do, it is the one I must do. Obviously, God didn't create me just to sit at my desk reading The Onion and fiddling with minor documents all day, and going home washing the dishes and organizing the recycling. And at least I'm looking for something to do with my blessed self, rather than reacting in apathy and depression (which, let's be honest, is the usual Xaris reaction when she doesn't get her way).